10 Thousand Dollar Punch in the Stomach

My insurance company changed their fertility benefits. I have 10K less which means I have very little left. I have enough for this IVF, sorta. Not really. That’s it.

When the rep at UHC asked me if there was anything else she could do for me today, I replied, “No, that’s enough. You’ve completely ruined my day.” I know it wasn’t her fault and I told her that, but still, she is the messenger of bad, bad news.
I know some of you (a lot of you) don’t even have IVF coverage so I probably sound like a whiny, spoiled infertile right now. I’m sorry.

If I were younger, I’d keep on trucking along with the IUI’s. But I don’t have any more time. The reasons I started so late are vast and varied, but life is what it is and I am the one who has to handle that. I think I handle it pretty well all things considered. Toot Toot. That’s me and my horn. I am a strong woman and I truly believe that I can do just about anything I put my mind to. But I knew going into this the odds were waaaay stacked against me and I just might not be able to pull off this magic trick.

K told me last night if this doesn’t work then she’ll do a round of IVF and carry. She’s always been such a big fan of ‘outsourcing the womb’ to me, this was a huge step and offering of love on her part.

This is the part where I realize we have exactly 2 tries left. There has to be an end to the TTC crazy train and this just might be it.

True, we have enough in savings we could pay for more cycles, but honestly…honestly…I don’t think that’s the best decision. I could change my mind, of course. But right now, I feel like all that we saved (enough for 3 or 4 IVF cycles in case our insurance turned us down) could be better spent by putting that money towards a downpayment and buying a place. A place with 2 bedrooms. A place where we could ready our lives for another human being either by fostering or outright adoption.

Maybe this IVF will work. But just in case, I’ve prepped my heartstrings in case it doesn’t.

It’s amazing how one phone call can speed up the events of your life.

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  • Reply Anonymous January 13, 2009 at 9:13 pm

    I think K said it best when she told you that, however it happens, you’re going to have a baby. Maybe it will be this cycle, maybe it will happen some other way, but it’s going to happen, dammit!

  • Reply Lizzie January 13, 2009 at 9:17 pm

    oh my god. that sucks so much. insurance is so insane. i’m fighting right now, and i’m all revved up on your behalf. big hugs. and keep freakin’ tooting, you are awesome. as someone who struggles with the bitter, i’ve always been amazed at how little you do that. let me toot for you. toot. toot. seriously. love.

    p.s. my blogger ‘word verification’ is CEMAN. i know it’s not the same, but it is pronounced the same ….

  • Reply A January 13, 2009 at 9:27 pm

    I’m so sorry. I’m one of those TTC’ers with no coverage, but that doesn’t mean I still don’t feel bad for you. It SUCKS! K is amazing for offering to carry. Keep postive thoughts that this will be your cycle!!

  • Reply Malea January 13, 2009 at 9:36 pm

    That’s bad news all the way around. The stress of financial ruin sure does put a damper on the joys of becoming a mother. I can appreciate your waying the purchase of a “home” for you and your family” versus raising that family in the moneypit of renting.

    I posed this issue[no ivf coverage] to the queer parents board I’m on in Brooklyn and was referred to http://www.ARCFertility.com . Some of the clinics in NYC use it with most of their clients who have no other way to pay. Something to consider. Debt isn’t a good thing,but it seems us lesbians can’t bypass it to get the families we want.

    I do wish you the best of luck!

  • Reply Jen January 13, 2009 at 9:38 pm

    You are not being whiny, this does SUCK. I have UHC too, so now I am fretting my own insurance, of which I still am not sure about having fertility coverage b/c they suck. If all of this weren’t so freakin expensive…thus my second job. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

  • Reply Mommy and Mamita January 13, 2009 at 9:39 pm

    So sorry to hear about the change in insurance coverage. That just sucks. If you don’t have it already, make sure you get a verification of coverage limits and coverage used to date in writing. I have UHC too and about 75% of what they tell me over the phone regarding my fertility coverage is just plain wrong.

    I think you are making the right decision in going forward with IVF instead on sticking with the IUIs. Even if you are paying out of pocket, IVF is often the more cost effective way of getting pregnant.

  • Reply tbean January 13, 2009 at 9:42 pm

    oof–I’m doubled over from that 10K punch…that just sucks. I’m so sorry.

  • Reply cindyhoo2 January 13, 2009 at 9:58 pm

    You certainly are not whining! 10 K is alot of money to have to pay when you thought you would have insurance coverage. Hopefully this IVF will do the trick for all of us! But I think it is wonderful that K has agreed to do an IVF, if needed.

  • Reply Jackie January 13, 2009 at 10:00 pm

    I, too, am very sorry. This is terrible news. How do insurance companies get away with not giving people notice about this stuff? I don’t get it. :-(

  • Reply mulberry January 13, 2009 at 10:25 pm

    argh! i HATE those calls… we are waiting for the *NO, you are not pre-authorized, because we said so!* call… at least this time we are sort of ready for it though. when they blindside you on something you thought you had already worked out, that is the worst. i am so sorry…

  • Reply anofferingoflove January 13, 2009 at 10:36 pm

    ouch. thats a painful kick in the gut. insurance companies are awful. just awful.

  • Reply wishinghopingpraying January 13, 2009 at 11:18 pm

    You are not whiny! We don’t have any coverage but we knew that going in, no surprises. A 10k loss is not a good surprise and I am so sorry that happened. I am wishing you all the luck I have on hand for this cycle.

  • Reply Carrie January 14, 2009 at 12:39 am

    friggin insurance!!! well at least you have enough for a round or two. I love the idea of outsourcing. :) sometimes i think there are definite benefits to lesbian relationships. we have two uteruses to work with!
    We’re thinking about you and sending you lots of good luck fuzzies with your first IVF round.

  • Reply Sarah January 14, 2009 at 12:47 am

    That is awful! Fing insurance companies. I’m sorry.

  • Reply queerstork January 14, 2009 at 1:14 am

    That is not good! Not good! Dammit.

    I like how you immediately swing into planning alternate routes. You’re so far from out of options and that’s great news!

  • Reply eeney meeney miney mommy January 14, 2009 at 4:47 am

    I know it sounds lame and cliche but I feel like it will work itself out and you will be thrilled with how it does.

    I’m so sorry about the insurance. What bullshit!

    I’m putting all the hope I have in your court next cycle.

  • Reply Heather January 14, 2009 at 12:55 pm

    UHC did the same thing with our insurance!! They changed everything around, and now get 10K for procedures and 15K for medications!!! WTF?? It should for one be the other way around, or just group it all together..ugh. so bad!

  • Reply The Amily Diaries January 14, 2009 at 5:05 pm

    Insurance companies suck! Sorry that the news is effecting your decisions about how to move forward. It is really great that you and K have a strong relationship where she would offer to carry. I am hoping all the best for you two.

  • Reply Keely January 14, 2009 at 8:10 pm

    That is terrible news, but ain’t nothin’ gonna stop you as you said. You’ll figure something out, regardless.
    K. is a fabulous person, and you are very lucky to have her.
    Still. Sucks.

  • Reply Eva January 14, 2009 at 8:31 pm

    I’m sorry. Looking at the end of the IVF/TTC journey is really hard. It totally sucks. I know because I am in a similar position. Let’s hope this IVF cycle works, for both of us. xo

  • Reply babypants January 14, 2009 at 10:13 pm

    AHHH I am really sorry for this life changing phone call. K, I am not surprised, sounds so supportive. And I know you will find a way to make this work. But my anger is going out into the world on your behalf. xo L.

  • Reply journeytowardsourbaby January 15, 2009 at 7:34 am

    That’s a pretty big kick in the teeth so no you definitely don’t sound whiney! It sucks and I so hope that ivf works for you this time so you don’t have to worry about any of the other stuff. Out of interest, if K does a round of IVF will that be covered by her/your insurance or would that be out of pocket?

  • Reply Laura January 15, 2009 at 7:54 pm

    That sucks. SJ and I just figured out our debt due to IVF,TTC and it’s not pretty.

  • Reply insertmetaphor January 20, 2009 at 5:08 am

    Insurance companies suck! I think everyone should have this coverage and you’re right to be upset. You’ll get there though, you will.

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