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June 14, 2008

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Official Member of the Itty Bitty Pantyliner Committee

Hello Progesterone Suppositories, meet my new thong pantyliners.

It would’ve been nice if there had been directions with these bullet-like things, but no.  However, I guess my years of using OB tampons finally paid off.  No big deal getting it in, but my how it does like to leak out.


Whoever came up with the idea of a thong pantyliner, was pure genius!  I used to date this girl who would cut up a regular pantyliner into four separate pieces and make us homemade pantyliners.  Brilliant, eh?!
Did anyone watch High School Reunion this past Spring to see “Kat the Lesbian?”  Well, that’s my ex and I declare she missed her chance to make millions in the pantyliner industry.

I refuse to even look at what the side effects these things have b/c I can’t stand imagining more symptoms at this point.  I am a little hotter and a bit thirstier, but otherwise that, nothing else.

The IUI went fine, but I still am always second guessing the timing.  I feel like I just keep googling the same exact shit month after month after month.  I had to wait over 30 minutes, but at least in that time I went to the bathroom and found EWCM, so my mood improved a little bit.
I had a different nurse than I usually do and while I don’t like her as much as my usual nurse, her technique was great.  I did ask her how my cervix looked, was it wide and open? She replied “cervix’s are always open”.  Um, thanks, not exactly what I was asking for.  

This cycle has me feeling rather low.  I ovulated very late, I feel like we may have inseminated a day too late and wasted all that sperm.  I have doubts about my sperm donor.    His count isn’t as high as I’d like it.  Usually he’s at 14-16mil and this time was only 10mil.  That’s the bare minimum they have to guarantee.  Despite being reassured that it’s more than enough to get me pregnant, I still feel stupid for buying all of the sperm at once instead of trying him out a cycle or two before committing.  It’s like getting ready for a blind date and putting a down payment on the future house you’ll buy together before you even arrive at the date.

Then I went to my post-IUI acupuncture session and didn’t have my regular therapist.  The alternate woman looked at my BBT chart and nonchalantly declared that it looked like I’d ovulated on Day 15.  Alarmed I squeeked, “but I did the IUI 3 days later, they took blood, I had ultrasounds, the blood said different”.  She rescinded, but it made me feel like once again, all this money, even the acupuncture, for nothing.
Everyone has a theory and none of them match up.

I want to trust my fertility center.  I really, really do.  They are one of the top fertility centers in the world.  But lately I feel like a second-class citizen because I’m not doing IVF and that’s what they do best.  Even with the top facility, an IUI is still a well-timed crap shoot.
As a Dr. (not at my clinic) told one of my friends after 10 cycles, “do you want to get pregnant or do you want to keep trying?”  She’s pregnant now, after an IVF cycle.

I’m scared, because if this cycle is a BFP, I’ve got exactly TWO more tries before IVF.

Here’s to another, messier, mind-fuck of a TWW.