Daily Archives

June 25, 2008


I Was Right

It’s 100% negative. BFN.

I’m doing all the poses in my yoga class tonight.

On to the next round…whatever that is.

Did I mention that as I walked to the clinic the morning of the IUI I almost didn’t go because I knew this cycle was a bust? I knew the timing was wrong. I knew.
And this morning I almost just went across the street and got an HPT because I knew.
When I did the progesterone this morning, I thought, “what a freakin’ waste”. I knew.


Meditating the Anxiety Away

In preparation for the preggo test, I went to a 2-hour meditation session at the Tibet House tonight with this woman.  She was quite amazing and since she’s going to be there the next couple of Tuesdays, I think I’ll keep going. 

Tomorrow morning I go in for a blood test and we’ll find out one way or another by mid-afternoon.

I completely do not feel pregnant (whatever that feels like!) and I’ve watched my temps drop for 4 days now despite being on the progesterone, so whatever.  
If it’s not my time, it’s not my time.  I cannot control this.

K and I had a conversation over the weekend and discussed switching donors.  How do you know when it’s time to break up with your donor?  I feel so foolish to have bought so much of him without trying him out first, but what can you do?  We have two more vials of him at our Fertility Center that we won’t be able to return, so we’ll lose the money on those and that stings.
The rest we can do an exchange for $150–although I don’t know if that’s per vial or the entire switch.  Probably per vial…
Anyone out there looking for some black market sperm?  He gets other women pregnant!

We also talked about perhaps just taking the plunge and trying more drugs this next cycle.  I am super scared of multiples because of my body size.  But there’s a woman in my building who is as small as me and she had twins a year ago.  I saw these twins twice this weekend and it was like the universe sending me a sign, saying,  “you can do it. If you had to do it, you could do it”. God those parents look tired and haggard.  But I could do it.  We could do it.

My RE isn’t putting me on fertility drugs because he knows my fears and he says it’s my choice But I’ve only got two cycles after this before IVF looms.  Is it silly to try 6 natural IUI’s and then go to IVF without trying fertility drugs?
Remember my age, I don’t have time to waste.  My clock is a freaking time bomb folks.