Daily Archives

August 28, 2008


Let’s Just Talk About the Bad

There’s no double, double let alone triple. It’s bad. RE thinks probably ectopic.
So, the flight to Montreal is canceled, the bag is unpacked.
I’m looking at a pile of stuff that I’d pre-packed for Bali and wondering when I’ll unpack that. Because Dr. VID does not want me to go-he needs to monitor me.
So, that’s pretty much it here. No weekend getaway, no vacation, no baby.

Oh, but I have a lot of baby-related stuff arriving on my doorstep any day now. Good times.

The only thought that keeps me sane is thinking, “I can get pregnant, but it was a bad egg. Who wants to raise a bad egg? Not me, I’m not cut out for that.”
I’m old, I’ve got some bad eggs in there. I knew that going into this game. I know my chances of getting pregnant and I also know I’ve got a 30% chance of m/c. I know. But I’d hoped to be one of the others.

Let’s hope there are some good eggs left for next time.
But if this is truly an ectopic, there’s gonna be quite a wait for next time.
The waiting never ends, does it?

I have a conference call at 4pm that I have to get my head on for and hope that no one asks me anything. After that, you’ll find me in bed reading, appropriately enough, “The Gravedigger’s Daughter”.


The Good, the Bad and the Stressful

Acupuncture yesterday went great! I love my needle-pokin’ lady and she was so cute when I came in yesterday greeting me with “I cheated”. What?? “I read your blog, congratulations!!!” Yes, everyone knows.
I felt really at peace and was able to do some awesome visualization and for the first time thought “I’m really pregnant”.
To further this feeling, I did some retail “I’m really pregnant” therapy online purchasing a prenatal yoga DVD, a pilates when you’re pregnant DVD, the Mayo book, wrist sea bands (for the ferry in Indonesia, car rides AND they help with morning sickness) and a morning sickness relief kit with ginger candies and who knows what else. Added bonus was that it was all free! K, because she is a rock star employee, gets little “you’re a rock star” gifts from her company every few months which can be turned into Ama.zon certificates–so me being the rock star household manager, gets to spend them!
The sea bands and the kit will go on vacation with us. I figure we should be as prepared as possible in case it hits me.

Then my RE called and that feeling of, how do you say, “Chill the Fuck Out” which I felt I was doing, suddenly went away. He wanted me to come in for more bloodwork, make sure the #’s were doubling. OK, I agree. The spotting, combined with the low numbers has him very concerned that this could be an ectopic. Well Fuck. So, he is very concerned about me getting on a plane to Indonesia before we can do a scan (it will be too early to do one and tell) because if it is an ectopic, my tube could rupture in transit.
That’s just great. Totally NOT chilling the fuck out anymore.

Of course, I’ve emailed the two international hospitals on Bali and they can do beta blood work on me, but get this–it takes a WEEK to get the results!! Anyway, they are equipped to deal with this kind of thing. And, there are a few land masses we fly over enroute where an emergency landing could happen if need be. How fast can a tube rupture? You have to feel a lot of pain first, right?
Seriously, I have no idea what to do at this point.
I’ll get the blood work today and also next Tuesday and that will give us enough to make a decision.

I rode my bike up the East River this morning to the RE for the beta test and was able to get up, give blood and be back home all in 30 round trip. And I didn’t have to bike on a single NY city street. It was awesome and I was feeling really good about the day.
Until I got home and K told called to tell me that she’d forgotten her passport.

As in she’s somewhere in a Central Time Zone flying to Montreal tonight and her passport is here in NYC. Well Fuck me again. I called the airline, the TSA and the Canadian Embassy and border patrol customer service. No clear answers.
They might let her on with a copy of her passport/birth certificate (I could scan these and get them to her by email). Or they might not. And even if the airline lets her on, the Canadian border patrol could deny her entry, even if I have her passport there waiting for her.
There’s just no way around this.

So, she’s flying back to NYC and I’ll go to Montreal to visit our friends for the weekend. It’s been really hard coordinating all of this travel–6 weeks worth of trips including her business travel–so it’s an honest mistake (especially because it’s CANADA, I mean christ it’s like it’s another state…but it’s not!).

It just sucks because I won’t see her for another week when she will literally be home for a few hours before we fly to Bali. She was going to meet me in Tokyo, but she’s coming home first. What a mess. If we even go to Bali. What a freaking mess.

Just waiting for those new beta numbers. I swear I walk around, saying “double double triple” in my head.