Of course the Sunday night that I need a trigger shot would be the only Sunday EVER that K has to fly out Sunday afternoon for a 7am Monday meeting in Kansashitty. Who has 7am meetings?
It’s an IUI.
I found him. It took 4 hours and a few more thousand dollars but we have a new baby daddy.
Dear Anonymous Sperm Donor,
We’re over. I’ve had enough. I stayed with you for the money—all those services paid in advance. But now all bets are off.
There’s too much riding on this decision and I’ve decided I need a new boyfriend.
It’s true, I thought you and I might work this out. But then I found out about that other girl—you know, the one you knocked up last May? Yeah, her outcome ended up the same as mine. And now neither of us are pregnant. And well…I’m thinking it might be you.
So this is it. I’m taking your empty vials out of my spirit house.
PS – I never really loved you. Did you know that?
I just talked to my RE, Dr. VID (not the Dr. who scanned me this morning).
This was not the good conversation I wanted, but it was the one I feared after finding out I only had 4 follicles this morning. They are NOT all the same size. They range from 6-12, so that is super sucky indeed as they should all be trucking along at the same rate.
Turns out I’m a pretty poor responder to Follistim–even though I’m injecting the MAXIMUM amount.
I had an excellent response to Clomid and produced the same amount of follicles.
(is this the part where I’m supposed to remember that while I was in Bali I thought I should do another round of Clomid?)
I’m so tense right now and I sort of want to cry, but mostly I just feel deflated.
This may not be an IVF cycle. If he doesn’t see much improvement in the next couple of days–we’ll call it an IUI cycle.
I guess that’s good news–it’s not all lost.
We’ve only got one vial of sperm on ice at the RE’s–I knew I should’ve ordered two. Now, I think I probably should another one just to be covered in case it’s converted to an IUI cycle and we want to do 2 inseminations.
I haven’t done shit at work today b/c I’ve been all over the internet looking at where other 39-year-old’s are at this stage of the game–none of it has made me feel any better b/c everyone else seems to respond just wonderfully to Follistim. A wonder drug it is! Hahaha!
Dr. VID said I could try another IVF cycle if this one doesn’t work, but agreed we’d be better off using K’s eggs. Hers give me a 66% chance of success.
Jesus Fucking Christ. Seriously? Seriously?! This is what we were considering last January when this all began and now it’s been 10 months and we’re back to where we started.
Fuck Fuck Fuck.
OK, I’m done cursing now. Until the next post. Fuck.
I made a mistake looking at my IVF calendar and I didn’t have an ultrasound scheduled for yesterday, only a blood test for E2.
Today, I had both blood and U/S.
Here’s where I am in Pufferfish IVF land:
Saturday Day 1- 450 mg Follistim (pm)
E2=37 no cysts found
Sunday Day 2– 225 Follistim (am), 225 Follistim (pm)
Monday Day 3- 225 Follistim (am), 225 Follistim (pm)
Tuesday Day 4– 225 Follstim (am), 225 Follistim (pm)
Wednesday Day 5– 450 Follistim (pm)
E2=143 (over 100 at this point is good)
Thursday Day 6– 450 Follistim (pm)
E2= 184 (slow rise, but they don’t seem concerned because it’s rising…)
Lining=6 (anything 6 or above is right on target for this point)
Follicles= 2 on each side, all measuring about 8-9
That’s a F*ckload of Follistim isn’t it? That’s what happens when you’re 39! I really would’ve liked to have seen more follicles this morning, I admit I was a little sad only seeing 4.
But, it’s still early. I’ve got a week left to keep up the stims and see what happens.
Next blood and ultrasound will be Saturday morning.
As far as my question per “exercise and your IVF cycle”? Well, I did some of my own research and everything says to take it easy, walking is good, etc.
I’ve been walking as normal–although a bit slower. The past two mornings I’ve decided to really take it easy by riding the bus up to the clinic.
This morning as I was walking from the clinic to my office, I noticed for the first time that I’m getting a little bloated. As in, it’s not quite uncomfortable to walk, but it doesn’t feel normal.
I sit here with skinny jeans unbuttoned wondering what the hell I will be wearing next week?
I’m not going to worry about it too much. In fact, if my pants don’t fit for…oh, I don’t know 9+ months…I’d be OK with that.
For the most part, I’m just chillin’ and relaxing. I go home and cook, read, meditate, pray, snuggle with the cats and go to bed. It’s not too exciting and I like it.
It’s kind of hard to believe I could be doing egg retrieval in a week.
Mado.nna. Oh, how I love you.
K, myself and a few friends went to the Madon.na concert Monday night and she blew me away with yet another incredible performance for “Hard C.andy”.
It’s hard to believe that she’s been around 3 decades and is 50 years old. You’d never know it from where I was dancing.
I still remember hearing my first Ma.donna song. I was a freshman in high school and it was outside the home ec classroom in the hallway after school. Someone was playing music in that room and “Luck.y Star” stopped me dead in my tracks as I thought “what is THAT?!”
Instantly smitten for life.
In 1990, I had the good fortune to know someone with mad concert connections who got me front row seats to both of the shows for the “Blond A.mbition” tour.
Now, nothing is ever going to compare to that show because (a) it was front row for both concerts and I’m pretty sure Madonna sweat on me (b) it was the height of everyone ‘Vogueing’ on the dance floor every single night (c) I worked (illegally as I was underage) in the city’s most popular gay bar and I was ON the dance floor every damn night grooving to the music hey hey hey! (d) ecs.tacy was pure.
Need I say more? They were good times.
Fast forward to 18 years and here I am again–in awe of M (and her body).
I think I’ll go look for the DVD of “Blond Ambition” and order it. I need something to look forward to after egg retrieval!
Giv.e it to me hard and fast and DO NOT pull out until I say so!
She pulled out. I didn’t say so. Maybe my hand got in the way when I looked down, who knows.
But as a result I got stabbed twice. Poor thing, she had per.formance anxiety.
This morning, my love is on a jet plane and I’m back to injecting myself. I think I like it better this way (no offense baby) but at least I know I’m not going to pull out.
It’s just that she hates to hurt me…she really, really, hates those needles. And I hate being poked more than necessary. So there you have it.
Tomorrow I go in for blood work and my first ultrasound to see how jacked up my follicles are. I can’t wait!!!