Daily Archives

December 25, 2008


Eight is Enough

It’s negative.
No, AF hasn’t arrived and my temp hasn’t dropped, but we did end up buying tests on Tuesday night and I used one this morning. Not even a ghost of a line.
I didn’t even have any tears this morning. I just felt empty.
Hours later when I went downstairs for breakfast, K’s older brother told me he was sorry and then it hit me.
Having no appetite, I returned upstairs, got under the covers and bawled my head off.
K came up with a cup of (real) coffee and held me while I cried.

An hour later, she came back up with a laptop and told me to plan a vacation. She’d take me wherever I wanted to go as long as she didn’t have to be on a plane for over 10 hours.
This is a woman who knows how to get me out of my funk.
No, it doesn’t solve anything, but hearing the words “travel” makes my heart go pitter pat.

I finally made it downstairs by noon for gift giving and pumpkin bread eating, followed by a long winter’s walk through the woods.
My spirits have been lifted.

I am surrounded by people who love me; kind, wonderful, generous people. They feed me, give me space when I need it, and hug me when I’m down.
We are lucky and fortunate in so many ways. This is just a blip on my universe of life.
Yes, it’s been 8 tries. Yes, it’s been almost a year. Yes, it’s getting harder. Yes, I should be 5 months pregnant now but that didn’t happen.

I need to stay positive and I’m trying really hard to do that. The universe has thrown a lot of shit at me many times in life, but I’ve always come out on top.
We have a wonderful life and I need to keep things in perspective.

I believe there’s an IVF train leaving the station in 2009. Can you ladies fit another passenger on board?

Merry Whatever!