Daily Archives

December 29, 2008


Hola, Cabo San Lucas!

The rules were: find something as cheap as possible, preferably leaving New Years Eve.

Mission Accomplished.
I Love Free Things.

In less than 37 hours (at, cough, 6am) I’ll be on a plane to Baja California. In 40 hours K will be on a different plane. Then we will meet again. You see, we found an (almost) free vacation! I had enough miles in my Delta account for a free flight and she had enough miles in her Continental account. So, we can’t fly together, but we land within an hour of each other (she got a later, direct flight, lucky her) and then we’ll go spend a week at our free resort on the beach (compliments of K’s hotel points).

Also, with K’s oh-la-la elite hotel status, we’ve been upgraded to the club level which means free buffet breakfast every morning and free happy hour and appetizers from 5-7pm everyday. So, with our Christmas money ($900) we’ve rented a car for the week, decided to go diving a couple of times, do some kayaking and snorkeling in the Sea of Cortez and we’ll take a boat out to go whale watching as it’s the perfect season for the migration.

It would be great if we don’t spend any of our ‘own’ money, but the food is really expensive in Cabo and we may want to splurge on a few meals, though I’m fine siting on a beach eating tacos til the end of time.
I’ll only have to use three vacation days and it will be incredible to spend a week in the sun pretending that I’m not looking IVF straight on.
We both wish our bodies were a bit more bikini ready, but it is what it is. Must remember to get bikini wax during lunch hour tomorrow or else we are going to have a SITC ‘situation’!
Packing up tonight…cat sitter is staying at our house for the week..life is good.
My wife leaves me every week, but the payoff is good.
We’ll be in Mexico by early afternoon Wednesday and plan to spend the day on the beach and the evening dancing in the New Year!

Life is Indeed Very Good.The Vacations That Got Away: (if you’re interested)

  • Cancun–free flights with miles and free hotel, but…I hate Cancun. I love going further south, but Starwood has no properties outside of Cancun. Plus, I’ve been to the Yucatan 4 times already.
  • St. Maarten/St. Martin–flights are super cheap right now $238 RT and K had a week’s worth of hotel points. BUT no club floor at the hotel and everything is in Euro’s = tres expensive.
  • Aruba–flights are also $238 and we could have a free hotel for a week, but…it’s Aruba. There are beautiful beaches, yeah, but there are all those casinos. I’m not a gambler.
  • Skiing Out West–again amazing airfares, but my ski bum knee hasn’t been properly conditioned and I’ve slacked off my PT exercises. I’m afraid if I pushed it I’d be hobbling around again. Plus, K needs new ski equipment and we would’ve only had 1 day to get everything. Lastly, trying to talk me into a cold weather vacation while I’m freezing at my mother-in-law’s is not a good idea.

A Whole Lotta Damn’s.

Home Again. Thank GOD.

I forgot just how damn cold my MIL’s house is. She’s like a popsicle, that one. I do love sitting in the living room with the fire going and everyone hanging out. Except this year. The wood got wet and all we got was a lousy DuraFlame which doesn’t give out any damn heat. Did you know that?? I did not. And so, there was nowhere to go in the house except upstairs to our bedroom where we control the heat. Needless to say, I spent many hours under the covers sleeping, reading and spooning in order to stay alive. I’m sure I was tagged the anti-social daughter-in-law.

We got home on Saturday night and it is SO nice to be home again. Four days with family is really about 2 days too long for me. K’s family is great, but if the weather is not cooperative (icy and/or rainy) there’s nothing to do. I mean nothing. It starts to get a little Shining-like. Games are all fine and dandy but not if you’re going to freeze to death playing them. I was beyond bored and so ready to go home by Christmas night.

I forgot to mention that I spoke to my mom on Christmas morning while I was crying in bed. One thing this past year has taught me is that my mom–despite the mother she was (or wasn’t) while I was growing up–has changed. She will never be the mother I wish for, but she’s doing a damn good job being there for me with this TTC journey.
At times like this, a mother’s support is priceless. K’s family is very supportive, but they are mostly happy alcoholic ostriches. They will hug you, but they don’t want to talk about ‘it’ or hear about ‘it’ because then they have to confront that everything is not OK. I liken them to having their heads in the sand like an ostrich and when forced to face reality (you know, like, everyday) the solution is to drink! Which is why there is a strict starting time of a 5pm cocktail hour in their household.

So while I ‘feel’ their support around us, it’s not like my mother who wants to know how I am and what’s next and she’s so sorry and how much she’s praying for us. Just knowing that someone is not afraid to talk about ‘it’ means so much.
This TTC journey has taken so long that I think K’s family has no idea what to say. I never dreamed I’d have a child by Christmas, but I thought I’d at least be pregnant. Hey, I know how old I am and I thought I was aiming realistically! Christmas was hard. Much harder than I ever thought it would be.

My clinic was closed over the holidays so there was no way to come in for Day 3 bloodwork. That’s OK, it’s too late for me to do an IVF cycle for Januaray anyway as they are solidly booked. AF was not herself (again) this month. She came a day late, but her visit was clotting and crampy and only lasted 2 days. This is not usual for me.
I can’t believe I’m taking another break, but here we are: one month on, one month off since August.
It’s good for my body to take a breather and clear out some of the drugs before we start pumping me full up again but damn I feel like I’m running out of time.

The miscarriage, combined with a failed/poor responder IVF cycle immediately following, has left me in a low-hope stage.
I had remained incredibly hopeful up until October. This past year has been difficult, but not nearly as hard as it could be. I have never been without hope that I can do this.
When I failed to respond to the IVF drugs, it hit me that IVF isn’t the magic bullet. Yes, I have options and I am so damn lucky to have them, but none of the options will guarantee me a real live baby.
When I realized this is when I started losing hope. So I’m going into this next cycle trying my best to keep my head up and find that hope again.

This baby, in whatever form it takes, will come when it is ready to be here with us.
I just have to accept this and let it go.
I find this is much easier to do on a beach.