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January 13, 2009

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10 Thousand Dollar Punch in the Stomach

My insurance company changed their fertility benefits. I have 10K less which means I have very little left. I have enough for this IVF, sorta. Not really. That’s it.

When the rep at UHC asked me if there was anything else she could do for me today, I replied, “No, that’s enough. You’ve completely ruined my day.” I know it wasn’t her fault and I told her that, but still, she is the messenger of bad, bad news.
I know some of you (a lot of you) don’t even have IVF coverage so I probably sound like a whiny, spoiled infertile right now. I’m sorry.

If I were younger, I’d keep on trucking along with the IUI’s. But I don’t have any more time. The reasons I started so late are vast and varied, but life is what it is and I am the one who has to handle that. I think I handle it pretty well all things considered. Toot Toot. That’s me and my horn. I am a strong woman and I truly believe that I can do just about anything I put my mind to. But I knew going into this the odds were waaaay stacked against me and I just might not be able to pull off this magic trick.

K told me last night if this doesn’t work then she’ll do a round of IVF and carry. She’s always been such a big fan of ‘outsourcing the womb’ to me, this was a huge step and offering of love on her part.

This is the part where I realize we have exactly 2 tries left. There has to be an end to the TTC crazy train and this just might be it.

True, we have enough in savings we could pay for more cycles, but honestly…honestly…I don’t think that’s the best decision. I could change my mind, of course. But right now, I feel like all that we saved (enough for 3 or 4 IVF cycles in case our insurance turned us down) could be better spent by putting that money towards a downpayment and buying a place. A place with 2 bedrooms. A place where we could ready our lives for another human being either by fostering or outright adoption.

Maybe this IVF will work. But just in case, I’ve prepped my heartstrings in case it doesn’t.

It’s amazing how one phone call can speed up the events of your life.