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April 4, 2009

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Conversations with the Crazy Lady

“I may have to take the internet away from you.”

“No!  I love it.”
“But you’re spending too much time on it and it’s making you depressed.”
“Go away.”
“Don’t tell me to go away!  I’m trying to help you.”
“I’m sorry.  I hate this weather.  Where is the sun?  It’s so fucking dark.  I hate NYC.”
“You don’t hate NYC, you are just having a hard time re-adjusting to life here again.  You do this every time.”
“I know and every time I want to move.  Can we move?”
“We cannot move right now.”
“Why did you make me move here just because all of your family lives on the NE coast?”
“Honey, you moved here on your own.  I didn’t even know you when you moved here.”
“Oh.  Right.  Well, it’s time to cut those family ties and move somewhere sunny.”
“OK, maybe later.  Have you been outside?  Maybe you should go outside.”
“It’s horrible outside.  There’s no sun.  I hate this weather.”
“Maybe you should take a shower”
“I took one yesterday.”
“Yeah….some people take one everyday.”

So…you might say I have some readjustment issues.  
I’m sad.  I’m a vacillating vacillator. Should I try again?  This decision has really thrown me for a loop and even though I know it’s the best thing for ‘us’ getting a real live baby out of the deal, it is fucking with my head BIG TIME.

I never left the house yesterday.  I have not left the house today.  I am in the same pajamas I had on yesterday.  I have not brushed my teeth.  I am spending waaay too much time on the internet.
I am getting depressed.
I have failed.
I cannot make this baby and I have failed.