I’m a pretty healthy eater. I eat as many whole, natural foods as possible. We don’t buy processed or artificial products and aside from the occasional pint of ice cream (that K begs me not to buy) we don’t have any kind of ‘junk food’ in the house. Ever. Because if we do, we’ll eat it. Which brings me to the last two weeks.
One night last week we had a friend over for fajitas. You can make healthy Mexican food with all natural products! But we all agreed the guacamole needed chips. Now, if K or myself had gone to the store we would’ve bought the ‘healthy-as-possible” blue corn tortilla chips made in a factory in Vermont that also does a mean business in granola even though we would’ve wanted the giant bag of Tostitos.
When Fab C walked through the door carrying that (BIG) bag of forbidden Tostitos luxury, I might have actually drooled. Oh my god they were so salty and good.
The rest of the week I played a little game with myself called “I’ll only eat the tortilla chips that are broken.” I usually started playing this game right after I’d dropped them on the kitchen floor a couple of times.
And then I’d just stand at the kitchen counter eating all the broken ones. The bag lasted less than a week.
This past weekend, we had a fondue party. Cheese and Chocolate. So, you know already, there’s about 10,000 calories that are going to be consumed in this meal. And we all know you cannot have chocolate fondue without homemade all butter pound cake, right? Yeah, so I made two just in case we ran out.
And then….dear God it was better than the Tostitos!!!! Apparently someone thinks it’s a great idea to dip Ruffles in cheese and chocolate, because in she walked with a bag (thank you for not bringing the big, big bag, seriously, thank you)!
If there’s a forbidden junk food item I do not buy–it’s potato chips. I love them. I mean, I really, really, really love them. I will eat them until I’m sick if left to my own devices. And if there’s french onion dip? Forget about it. Get your own damn bag because I am not sharing.
Those ads are right, you can’t just eat one, which is why I choose not to eat any.
Until Saturday night.
We had a full table of women who do.not.eat.potato.chips and a full table of beautiful veggies and meats to dip in the cheese fondue and guess which bowl we polished off first? Yes, the potato chips.
After that we moved on to the chocolate fondue, strawberries, marshmellows and 1/4 of the pound cake.
It was, if I do say so myself, one of the tastiest dinner parties we’ve had.
All lovers of all things Madonna, we watched the Confessions Tour DVD, which sobered us all up to reality of what we just consumed. Mainly, you know, staring at her body at age 46. Madonna would never eat potato chips and pound cake. In fact, has anyone ever actually seen Madonna eat?
We all swore to try out a macrobiotic diet the very next day. That lasted about 3 hours because that’s about the time I realized I had leftover chips and pound cake!!!
I threw the chips in the trash (Ok, ok, I ate half the bag and then I threw them out–I really did, but I’d be totally lying if I didn’t admit to almost digging them out of the trash). But the pound cake? What to do, what to do? I froze one…and am staring at the rest cut in tiny squares in a see-through plastic container tempting me from the kitchen counter. It seems like such a waste…I made it with such love and you know, like a freaking pound of butter!
Maybe if I just eat it square by square, it won’t really count, right? But I know what I’ll do, I’ll eat every single square.
Fucking Food Issues.
If anyone wants some free pound cake, let me know. It’s all yours!!
ETA: We each had a piece of cake and then we both agreed to toss it in the trash!