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June 29, 2009

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Two Becomes One: Meet Chicklet

I’ve been very anxious this past week wondering what’s going on ‘in there’. I have had no morning sickness to speak of and very few ‘signs’ that I’m pregnant at all.
There have been twinges ‘down there’ and some almost-but-not-quite cramp-like feelings that come and go.
Tittzenhurten has subsided and been replaced by Tittzenhugen which my wife is extremely appreciative of. I rather like looking down at cleavage myself. I catch myself thinking “wow, your tits look great!” I’m a 32B, so I’ll take some more cleavage, yes please.
Oh, and I’ve eaten at KFC twice in two weeks. WTF?!? I’ve walked by this KFC for 5 years and have not once opened those fried chicken doors, but now? This could be a fried chicken pregnancy. So very weird.

But overall, I’ve been feeling that there were two…and now there’s just one. I have not felt like I’m going to have twins.
There was a part of me, after the initial freakout, that became rather intoxicated at the idea of having twins. We talked about and of course, we could do it.
It sounded exciting and well, who doesn’t love a two-for-one special when you’re paying this kind of money for a baby?

Realistically however, I am one of those women who never has secretly wished for twins. For starters, I’m small. Very small. I’m 5’2, 105 lbs with less than 4 inches between my ribcage and pelvic bone. Fitting in two babies on any frame is less than comfortable, but with me, I really wondered if bed rest and extreme pain would be in my future as well as medical intervention and a C-section.
I was not looking forward to a twin pregnancy, but as with all things in life, I knew I could handle it if that’s what the universe handed me and I knew I would be thrilled and grateful beyond belief for 2 babies.

Last night I said to Chicken, “I think there were two, but now there’s only one”. I just felt it.

And today…
I present to you.. our Chicklet:
Indeed there are two sacs, but one much bigger and only one tiny, flickering heartbeat.
Upon confirmation that there were not two, empty, dead baby sacs in my uterus, I actually belted out, as if I were auditioning for ‘Young Frankenstein’, “It’s ALIVE!”

Chicken was there with me, squeezing my hand and smiling with relief. She never really had any doubts there was something wrong, but me, I was scared shitless. Actually, that’s totally true. Before they did the ultrasound I had to poo. My adrenaline was pumped up so high I thought I might actually be having morning sickness because I felt like vomiting.

Whew. We are, naturally, both a little sad that we had two and one left us. But we are also relieved and believe that what was meant to happen–happened.
One baby. Here we are. 6 weeks to the day. I am so incredibly happy. I feel like I can breathe a little easier now.

And yes, we weren’t going to have a scan until 7 weeks…but I insisted.