Daily Archives

January 14, 2010


Out of Control

***I’d been working on this post and I think it’s very timely as I sit here…waiting to be transferred to L & D.***

Getting pregnant, being pregnant and ultimately giving birth have been HUGE lessons for me in giving up control. I have learned so much about myself from this experience and am a better person for it.
I always thought I would be that person who needed to know everything, plan everything–the sexes, the names, the perfect birth plan, the iPod play list, the going home outfits, the nursery, etc, etc.
Instead, I have shocked myself by going in the exact opposite direction.
  • We don’t know the sexes and I am perfectly OK with that. The sex was determined from Day 1, nothing I can do about it but wait and see! I never in a million years would have thought I would be OK with not knowing. Surprise! I just want healthy babies, that’s it. And honestly it has been SO nice not to be bombarded with pink/blue. There is plenty of time after they are born for people to get obsessed with colors. For now, thank god, they can just be babies.
  • We don’t have names picked out. Oh sure, we have lists of possibilities, but nothing for certain. I want to see these babies, hold them, get to know them before naming them. I know babies and pets are completely different, but I would never name a pet before meeting it. Blast me if you want to for that comparison, but that’s the best I can explain it.
  • We have no birth plan other than showing up, thinking positive and going with whatever is best for the babies. Yes, we have educated ourselves on our options and medical interventions, but ultimately–what will be will be. I have seen way too many bloggers go in for one kind of birth they had carefully spent months planning out only to emerge with something they could’ve never dreamt of. I’ve also heard of too many bloggers heartbroken and guilty that they didn’t get the birth they had planned. I might feel different if I were having a singleton, I think so…but almost all of the twin moms I’ve spoken with have agreed that childbirth classes and a ‘plan’ were completely useless in a twin pregnancy.
  • Music. It rules. Take away the TV for the rest of my life, I could care less–but give me my music! But what do I want to hear in the throes of birth?? I have no idea. Plus, I’ll be in the OR, they don’t allow you to give birth in a nice birthing room for twins, so I can’t even imagine me rocking out while 30 people stand by waiting to see if they are needed. I think if I have the choice, I’ll just put Brandi Carlile on the iPod and keep repeating. Or maybe that will drive me crazy and I’ll ask everyone to join me in singing “Under Pressure” with Chicken in charge of snapping. Who knows.
  • Going home outfits? Onsies. Seriously. I mean, it’s winter and they are going to be so bundled up and who is going to see them that hasn’t already seen them? The cab driver?
  • The nursery. HaHa! What nursery? This one has probably surprised me most. I always thought I would really need this and have it be perfect in order to be happy. Not so much. We have two cribs. The cribs have bedding and mobiles. We have a changing table. Everything matches. The drawers are full of clothing. It all fits in a corner of our bedroom, so therefore it’s perfect! We were able to stay in our newly rent-stabilized, rent-reduced apartment in Manhattan, an apartment we love, a neighborhood that is perfect for us and kids, and we are surrounded by friends. We can walk anywhere we want, we have many, many parks right outside our door. Our Y is right around the corner and has baby swimming classes, Mommy and Me Yoga and a host of other kid-friendly options. All of this trumps the perfect nursery 10 times over.
All in all, this has been such an incredible experience despite the ups and downs. I can say that I made it a really long way with no problems and for that I feel very grateful.
The last part has been a roller coaster for sure, but in the end we are having a healthy pregnancy despite it all.
OMG, I’m so NERVOUS! But excited at the same time.
Scared at first…then exhilarated?!

Lots of Updates at 34 weeks, 5 days!

I’ve been a bad blogger and have been asked to come back and blog more often.

Fair enough, here we go!

I didn’t blog about last weeks OB appt because quite frankly, it all went very well. The Doctors of the team have been pressing me to choosing a birth plan and I keep pushing back saying I want the babies to choose!
What I mean is that I wanted to be far enough along to know that whatever position the babies are in, they are likely to stay there.
Last week they were both still vertex, but these kids have flipped around so much during the last 8 months, I still didn’t want to make that call.
Nevertheless, the team really seemed to think I was going to get to try a vaginal birth and I got rather excited and started reading all about it last week.

However days after, I felt a BIG movement from Chicklet and was sure she/he had gone breech on me at the last minute. Back to reading what to pack in your bag for a C-section!
Actually, I just stopped reading–period.

I went to my Wed. appointment this week fully expecting to hear the worst–and got such a nice surprise to hear that NO, Chicklet is not breech, she/he has just decided to stick that baby ass way up and out! I thought it was a Chicklet head…although I also thought it might be a baby butt.
I hadn’t really felt it before, so Chicklet must have turned in a way that made a big difference in what I could feel. I also thought I could feel little feet jabbing my right hip bone, but nope, just Chicklet arms and elbows!

Shadow Boxer is also still vertex/head down and is back to the usual position of laying diagonal across my body. Meaning, she/he is as close to Chicklet as humanly possible, all over on my right side. This makes me rather lopsided on the right, but this is what Shadow Boxer has done almost the entire pregnancy. This baby really, really wants to be close to Chicklet! There is so much room on the left, but no….
It will be very interesting to see if Shadow Boxer curls up next to Chicklet in the crib together. I can’t wait!

Speaking of waiting…well, now that I’m almost 35 weeks and they are both vertex/vertex, I am committed to a vaginal birth. There is a slight chance they could still flip, but they are so tightly packed in there, it would be a minuscule chance.
I truly hope that I go into labor on my own, but if not they will induce me at 38 weeks. The stories that I’ve read (maybe why I stopped reading?) about induction were not too comforting, but really it is out of my hands.
I know that I will do my best and if it ends up that I have to have a C-section, then so be it.
Because honestly? It’s out of my control.

They weren’t ‘supposed’ to do another growth scan since I just had one two weeks ago, but the tech was generous–and I didn’t even ask!

Holy Big Babies!
  • Chicklet is 5.7 lbs
  • Shadow Boxer is 5.5 lbs.

That means they gained a full pound in the last two weeks! If they keep this up and if I make it to 38 weeks, we are looking at some 7 pound babies here. WOW. And that is with me losing 2 lbs this past week, but no one is concerned because the babies are gaining. That’s all that matters.
I have to say, I never thought I would make babies that rivaled a singleton.
No wonder I’m having fire.crotch–I’ve got 11 pounds of baby pressing down!

OB said to keep doing whatever I’m doing. As I’ve mentioned, she is very conservative and I’ve taken her approach and have not been doing much of anything. As in, I did not leave the house for one week other than to go to the Doc on Wednesday and then the next Wednesday. Strangely, I do not have cabin fever. I think mentally, I am committed to doing whatever it takes to hold these babies in for as long as possible.
I do have a brunch I’m going to venture out and attend on Saturday, but that’s it for the week!
My friends have been great at coming to visit and hang out which makes it so much nicer.

So far, I’m not ‘miserable’. I did have one very bad day (Sunday) where I was afraid it was the beginning of the end, but thank god Monday was back to normal. If everyday were like Sunday, (cue Morrissey) I’d probably be begging for an induction/C-section.

As it is, the worst thing I’m dealing with is a Chicken with a bad cold (My Sherpa has been banished from the bedroom) and a Puffer with some intense acid reflux that is making sleep a real bitch.
But seriously? I got through a twin pregnancy for 33 weeks before acid reflux reared up and disturbed my wonderful nighttime slumber, so I’ve got nothing to complain about.
I’m sure the next couple of week things will only get worse, but I can do it!!

Sorry for the lack of updates and the long post–I’ll be better about posting. I’ve got a lot going on in my head right now….