Monthly Archives

March 2010

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Firsts

Our good friends and their two kids came over today to help us out. This is my friend who offered to do the assessment for PPD. I’m happy to say she found me non-crazy, just normal new parent, sleep-deprived crazy. Whew.

These friends are so fabulous they drove in from New Jersey with their 6 year old and 15 month old to watch our twins. The were willing to take on all four!
They insisted we go do something–even if that something was go take a nap–and they would handle things. Chicken and I needed this break so badly, thank you!!

We went to get a massage! It was the first time I’ve been back to my favorite Chinese massage den in over nine months. The ladies who work there were so cute because they had always wondered where I disappeared to and I got to tell them I’d had twins. The massage was great as always and the ladies insisted I bring the boys by so they can see them. So cute.
I didn’t know how I would feel about leaving the boys with someone else after only 6.5 weeks, but surprisingly I felt very calm. My friends are awesome and I know how capable they are, my boys were in good hands and I was able to relax and enjoy myself.

Tonight, after sleeping on the couch for almost 2 weeks, I’m coming back to the bedroom. I’m done being sick and Chicken and I are going to try out a new sleep shift tonight. I have to admit, I’ve been pretty lucky to have someone willing to let me sleep through 2 feedings (she’s been giving them breast milk bottles) while she takes the entire night shift.
But it’s starting to really catch up with Chicken, she can’t keep up this pace forever and as much as I’m going to miss that long stretch of uninterrupted sleep–it’s time for me to step back up now that I can.
We’ll see how this new schedule goes and I’ll let you know…
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The Importance of Being Ready

Because we can go from happy to sad in one click.


We received so many baby clothes as gifts I’d totally forgotten about these. I pulled them out today when my friend Lisa was over and we played dress up and photo shoot with the boys.

Aren’t they ultra preppy? I think they should go to the country club and play polo soon.
Also, can you believe how different they look now?? I swear, they don’t even look like brothers except for the Chicken nose. SO different!

The weather was gorgeous today–Spring is in the air! I skipped a pumping session after lunch and we each strapped on a baby and went for a nice long walk. The 2 days of cold meds have made a HUGE difference and I am *almost* feeling like myself again. I wish I’d known I could take meds weeks ago. That’s what I get for playing Dr. Google instead of actually, oh I don’t know, calling my doctor. Why am I so stupid sometimes??
We’ve even managed to make some homemade lentil soup today. You can just never predict the ups and downs that happen from day to day. Today has been a very good day. I have to remember to just take this day by day.

In other news….Whoop Whoop has latched for every feeding today. Not a great latch, but he has never been a barracuda like Grunter, so I’m not expecting miracles. A latch is a latch is a latch at this point.
I don’t know what happened last night?! But we haven’t used a paci since then and by the grace of god he was good all night and has been all day as well.
Who knows? The great mystery of raising a baby, I suppose. I have to remember to take this feeding by feeding.

I’m not opposed to the nipple shields and will give them a shot if we have more problems. I’m not even opposed to the bottle feeding of formula/breast milk as Chicken gives them bottles at night while I sleep. They have no problem going from the bottle to the breast (THANK GOD).
However, I don’t think I could breast feed Grunter AND bottle feed W2. I just can’t do both at the same time. It’s easier to take away the paci (again) and tandem feed them.
We’ll give it another week and then introduce it. Slowly….surely…he’s going to get it sooner or later.

Thanks for all of your advice and concern, I really do appreciate it.
No matter what sort of day we are having, I look at these little boys every day and feel so blessed that they are mine. I love them with an intensity I could have never imagined possible and they are worth every sleepless night, every struggle with breast feeding, everything in the world. Every morning when I breastfeed them by the window in the early morning light, I have the same awestruck sensation that they are here. They are mine.
They are my world. I prayed for them for so many years and I can’t imagine my life without them.
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Too good to be true…

24 hours. That’s all it took. 24 hours of calm, peace and some quiet. We had a happy baby and he had happy parents.
And now? Same story as always.
He won’t latch on. Breastfeeding is a nightmare. After 15 minutes of screaming, he got a bottle.
He won’t latch on.
This is what always happens with a paci.
Damn.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

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My Village

I suck at asking for help. I know this, I’ve written about it and it’s so true.

Apparently though, I’m much better at writing about things and then hoping my friends will read it, realize I need help and offer up so I don’t have to ask.

Yesterday we had a very good friend come over to help us baby wrangle a couple of hours. She even did a load of laundry for us, yeah! She’s coming back Saturday morning to help me out while Chicken is gone for a couple of hours.

Another friend called to check up on me and is going to come over with her partner this weekend so that Chicken and I can either get out–just the two of us–or go take a nap in the other room–just the two of us! I think a nap will win, but who knows. This friend is also a shrinky dink and is going to do an assessment on me to determine if I am just feeling the normal overwhelmed mommy craziness or if indeed I am teeter tottering on the edge of crazy.

A faraway friend called another friend who used to be a nanny and she is available on the weekends…sweet!

And lastly, I reached out to a distant, younger (by 14 years) cousin who lives here and she is currently unemployed. I have asked if she would like to make some extra cash doing mother’s helper/babysitter type of work for us once or twice a week. She expressed interest in this before the boys were born, so I think that will work. It’s strange as I used to babysit her when she was a year old!

A baby nurse/night nurse would be great, but I don’t think it would work for us. We have a one bedroom apartment and the twins crib/s are in our bedroom. Where would the nurse sleep? On the sofa? The boys would still be in our room, so she would still have to disturb us and we would still hear everything since they are in the same room. We just don’t have enough space to make that option work.
Also, having one friend over to watch 2 infant twins is just a bit much. If WE are having a hard time with 2 babies and we know them well, one person (who is not a baby nurse/nanny) cannot handle this job. It’s great to have a friend over so that either Chicken or myself gets a break, but it’s a 2 person job at this point.

Last night was a breaking point of sorts. I finally broke down and took some night time cold medicine and got the best nights sleep I can ever remember. I really, really hope I haven’t done something horrible, but something had to give. So far, the meds over the past 2 days have not hurt my milk supply at all.
While I ran out to get the meds last night, the boys were having a meltdown and Chicken broke down and gave Whoop Whoop a paci. You’d think we’d given the boy crack. The fusspot was like a whole new baby.
We’ve tried the paci twice before and have had to stop both times because his breast feeding skills decline after the introduction of the binky. But last night we were willing to take the chance. It was just that bad.
So far, he’s been fine latching on so maybe…it will work! I hope so, because that kid loves to suck and this would really change our lives. Fingers crossed.

My precious babies are 6 weeks old now! Wow, time sure is flying.
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Reprieve?

I wasn’t aware that 2 days ago Chicken stopped giving Savvy her thyroid meds. She figured that she didn’t need them anymore because we were putting her to sleep.

Well…what we DID notice yesterday was…NO POOP.
In the litter box? Yes. Just normal cat poop. Not the strange, gag-inducing-scoop-and-flush-it-right-now-before-we-all-die poop of the last couple of months.
I have not had to be the great poop hunter for 36 hours.
What the hell??

And through the night…nothing. She always craps somewhere in the dead of night. Nothing this morning either, her second favorite “guess where I’ve shat now” time.
I can’t believe that the very meds the vet prescribed were actually making her worse, but…I don’t know what to think.
I’m calling the vet and canceling the appointment for now.
For now…she lives.

I shouldn’t be surprised. This cat has escaped death more times than I can count in her 18 years.
She just keeps hanging on.
We’ll see what happens from here…
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Too Many Tears

We’re having a rough time in so many ways. I have been sick now for over 2 weeks and Chicken for over a week. I thought I was getting better, but two days ago I woke up feeling even worse.

I go into a coughing fit every morning that leaves me dry heaving over the toilet and gasping for breath.
Being sick is hard enough, but being sick, being sleep deprived and taking care of two 5 week old twins–one of them who is a super fussy fussypot–well, it’s huge.
We are doing our best to just get by, but these past two weeks have by far been the hardest yet.
I have been sleeping on the couch for weeks because we wake up each other coughing. I cough all over the babies when I’m breast feeding them and feel awful, but so far they are fine and healthy.
Chicken and I are starting to bicker with each other over who is doing more and who is getting more sleep. She is a rockstar, that Chicken and she takes on so much for our little family. I don’t know what I would do without her.
I know there are women out there who do this alone, but I don’t know how. Are they breastfeeding 8-10 times a day? Are they pumping afterwards? Do they have a fussy fusspot?
If you are out there…I want to know your secrets.
When Chicken has to go out for an hour or two, I truly panic. When they both have a meltdown, there are just not enough arms to go around. I feel so inadequate and overwhelmed.
And then I cry. And cry and cry and cry.

I had my 6 week checkup with my OB today and brought up these situations. Chicken and I are a little concerned with PPD and we’ve been keeping an eye on ‘things’ from the beginning. My OB assured me that women with only ONE baby are going through the same thing and to have TWO, plus be sick for weeks on end…it’s normal.
It’s true that the worst of my bad feelings have been in the last couple of week since I got sick, so I hope that’s all it is. They referred me to a shrink in case I want to go that route and I think I might. PPD is no joke and has an even higher occurrence with a twin birth.
My OB gave me the ok to take some cold meds, so maybe, maybe there is an end to this damn cold.

To top things off, we have made the very difficult decision to put our 18 year old female cat, Savvy, to sleep. We’ve called the vet and we’ll take her in tomorrow. She is deteriorating, she weighs only a little over 2 lbs, she has had thyroid disease for years and spends most of the day going back and forth to the water bowl.
She has gone from pooping just outside the litter box to pooping….everywhere. I call myself the poop hunter because every morning I have to find where it is and it’s usually in multiple places. It has a scent that will wake you up from a dead sleep. Right now I need my sleep so badly and when this happens, I find myself so angry with her. It’s more than I can take right now. We love her so much. I don’t want to be angry with her in the last days of her life.
This is a cat who has captured the hearts of just about every human who has been in our house. She has been the best cat. I don’t know how ‘sick’ she has to be before it seems like it’s time. That is the hardest decision. But she doesn’t feel good. Her quality of life has gone down since the babies came home and we just don’t want her to keep suffering.
And so today, we cried even more.
So many tears.