Monthly Archives

April 2010


Gimme some sugar, dollface

I’ve been tagged a few times, so I’ll try to think of 10 interesting things to tell you.

1. I haven’t shaved my legs since November. I could still reach them but it wasn’t comfortable and I just didn’t care anymore.
After I gave birth I realized how many razors it would take. I’m cheap and razors are expensive. Then, I thought I should get the clippers out instead. But it hasn’t seemed a priority so the hair continues to grow.
I think I’ll go get them waxed soon if I have the time (ha ha).

2. My wife is on the couch next to me pumping. Yes. More on that later…but wait, that’s not about me. I’m keen to share breastfeeding with my wife if possible. Who doesn’t want two sets of magic titty in the house?

3. We have been practicing our Spanish in anticipation of an upcoming trip to a country we’ve never been to. Baby passports are needed.

4. It took me 10 years to finish my undergrad degree. I put myself through college and figured if I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do, I shouldn’t spend the money. It was a lot of stop and start involving 5 different colleges/universities, the states of Missouri and Texas and the country of France.

Thank god we don’t have to put our age on our resumes in the US (unlike France) and I look young so it never hurt me in the workplace. I’ve felt the need to stay quiet about my true age in every job in order to ‘blend in’ with my peers. It worked for the last 12 years until my latest boss had to lay me off and discovered we were the same age. Shocker.

5. My butt eats underwear. From the time since I was a tween, underwear have been crawling up my butt. It became a no brainer early on, that it was far more pleasant to have a small piece of underwear up my butt than an entire hunk of fabric that constantly gave me a wedgie. So for me, thongs are a necessity. No panty lines? Bonus!
I even got Chicken to wear them and she agrees they are better. She wasn’t even aware her butt ate underwear, too.

6. I learned a trick backpacking on how to always have clean clothes: at night you toss what you are wearing in the shower (or the bucket as many places I’ve stayed don’t even have a shower) and you wash them and yourself, letting your laundry dry overnight.
If you are moving around a lot, you just wash your undies (and thongs dry fast!) guaranteeing you’ll always have fresh skivvies.
I like this system so well, I even do it at home and always have a drawer full of clean panties even if the laundry is full.

7. When I was 5 years old, I saw “The Sound of Music” for the 1st time. After a lot of begging, My mom got the album from the library for me and I carried it around with me everywhere. There was a fabulous color photo booklet inside the cover that I would study as if going to be tested.
Every night I would play the entire album from start to finish. I really wanted to be Catholic so I could have a life like the Von Trapp children. I went around speaking in a British accent like Julie Andrews. I was a strange child but I credit this fascination with keeping me accent free despite my entire family sounding like they grew up in the sticks.
To this day, it is still my favorite movie and I can sing the entire album from memory including all of the character voices.
I no longer wish to be Catholic.

8. I’ve lived in more than 30 different residences, none of them a place we owned, except an old farmhouse, from birth to age 2. It’s been rentals ever since. I’ve no idea what it’s like to put down roots.
The apartment we live in now is the longest Ive ever spent in one place(5.5 yrs) in my entire life.

9. I’ve had more girlfriends than residences. We’ll just leave it at that. I was very, very busy with the dating game in my 20’s. When I hear how many of you are with the first woman you ever dated, I’m in shock.

10. When I think about buying a place and “settling” down, I feel a little bit like I’m being squeezed by a boa constrictor.
On the other hand, I’d like Grunter and W2 to have a more stability than I had when it comes to a home.

**BONUS** I can “wave” my right pinky toe. Apparently I do it a lot without even noticing and it freaks Chicken out.

Riveting stuff I’m made of folks.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


Mystery Solved

I woke up yesterday tired of (still) bleeding. After calling the OB/GYN’s office and letting them know, hi, it’s been 10 weeks of bleeding, what the fuck people? They immediately decided I should come in that day.

Chicken was in no position to take on 2 babies, so I strapped happy-go-lucky Grunter to me and off we went on the subway.
As usual, it was a horribly long wait, but Grunter was an angel.

Have you ever had a vaginal exam laying down with a baby strapped to your chest in a Moby Wrap? No, I didn’t think so and the office staff hadn’t experienced that either. I agree it was ‘unusual’ but I knew he’d be happier there than in a stroller and I hate getting in and out of taxis with the car seat and then dealing with the stroller assembly afterwards on a busy NYC sidewalk.
Babywearing rules.

At the 6 week post C-section appointment, they did a vag exam and I wanted to bite the Doctor and scream at him. It hurt that bad. This time, the midwife wielded the speculum and while she was far more gentle it still hurt like a mo-fo. After that, she decided she needed to do a cervical check with her hand. More things inside me I don’t want there! You don’t want to hear your midwife say “interesting” as she’s probing around either.

Seriously, I have no idea how anyone gets pregnant in the months after birth because (a) no one except a doctor is getting anything near my vagina that could penetrate it and (b) who has time?? Chicken and I would rather sleep.

After this torture session I was sent out to the waiting room again because they needed to do an ultrasound on me. In the meantime Grunter had slept through his feeding, so I’m trying to breastfeed him in the waiting room so he doesn’t melt down at an inopportune time.
I really need to practice this at home, because I am a big nipple flasher and while it doesn’t really bother me, I can appreciate it might make others uncomfortable. Is there a YouTube video for this? A class?

They finally got me squeezed in for an ultrasound, but there’s a new problem. The Baby. They found someone to hold my precious cargo and I had to endure yet another foreign object being shoved inside it.
And there it was.
A one inch clot.
Right outside my uterus, hanging out in my cervix and slowly but surely shedding itself.

Now we have two options:
Keep doing what I’m doing. Let it bleed itself out. BUT, I could develop an infection which would then put me in a lot of pain and require antibiotics.
OR have yet another doctor’s appointment with long waiting room times where another foreign object is inserted and they suck it all out of me.
I really would do just about anything to avoid having another internal, so I might just let it bleed.

I know one thing. I’m not taking a baby with me next time. Four hours (yes, that’s how long I was there) of baby wearing and doctor probing is too much.