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June 30, 2010

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The Afternoon Always Ends in Tears

I’m hesitant to write this post because I think I’m going to come off as an ungrateful mother.

Please believe that I love these boys more than I can even express with words. But this job, this being a mother to twins, is harder than I could ever had imagined.
If I had two Grunters, this post wouldn’t even be in my mind. Life would be grand. I could do this by myself with two Grunters.
But with one Whoop Whoop, I think of posting this almost daily as I am just pushed to my limit–and I have HELP. This is with TWO of us, whether it’s Chicken or Mari.
W2 leaves me exhausted. I love him, but there are so many times we just pass him back and forth because we can take it any more. I’m scared Mari will quit because he’s just SO difficult.
Whoop Whoop has had colic since the beginning. I’ve been loathe to label him (because really, who wants a label?) but he fits the very definition and has yet to really grow out of it. We were hoping it would be gone by now but he still cries, on average, 3-4 hours of the day. Or more.
It IS getting better, it really is and I remind myself of that every single day.
I also pray every day. I am not a religious person. I don’t believe in a certain “God”. But this child of mine has reduced me to praying to something, anything, in the hopes I will continue to have enough patience and love to be a good mother to him.
I feel like I’m failing him. I’m crying as I write this and I cry more than I care to admit. I just don’t know what he wants or how to give it to him. I don’t know how to get him to sleep without it reducing both of us to tears.*
He just won’t nap and as the day goes on, the worse it gets.
Thus, the mornings start off brilliantly with me loving my children more than I can imagine and it always ends in tears with me dreading the mid-to-late afternoon.
Naps, in short, make my life HELL. They will not nap, either one of them, but W2 is even worse than Grunter.
And….right now they just woke up and are screaming. Their 3rd nap and it was 20 minutes.
Three more hours till bedtime. It’s going to be a long 3 hours.
*Sleep training is going very well. Much better than naps. They go to sleep at night. THANK FUCKING GOD.