Daily Archives

July 8, 2010

Uncategorized

Hard

I feel so alone. I keep searching for a blog that mirrors what I’m going through. A woman who is as sleep deprived as me. Who has what seems to be the world’s fussiest baby. Who has twins that won’t nap–no matter what technique I try.
Are you out there? Talk to me.

Why is this so hard for me and it seems to be so easy for others?
It’s been almost 6 months. I am so exhausted. I cry almost daily.
I want to look at my babies and think lovely thoughts but most of the time I’m thinking “please sleep for mommy”.
Because when they nap, they are less fussy and then it’s magical.

I’m feeling like I’m reaching a breaking point and I’m scared. Chicken is scared.
Last night they woke up early and I was so frustrated I repeatedly kicked the metal bathroom door while peeing. Barefoot. I don’t kick things. Ever.
Then I limped out to the couch and opened up the breastaurant and bawled my head off.

I have spent exactly 10 hours away from my twins in 5.5 months. Yes, I’ve been counting. The hours are that precious.

Some days, when I run across the street to the drugstore, I’m tempted to just keep walking.

I just want to walk until I find a nice, quiet room and sleep and sleep and sleep.

– Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone