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December 28, 2010


Three x Christmas

In 2008 I was in this upstate country house crying because I’d found out on Christmas Day I wasn’t pregnant (again). My MIL never offered a single word of sympathy or even acknowledged it.

In 2009 I was hospitalized the day after Christmas and we prepared to have 32 week preemie twins. Other than the fact that I was released after New Year’s and the twins stayed put, the best part of the holidays was staying in NYC and not having to deal with my MIL.

This year, 2010, was supposed to be mine. Our first Christmas with Grunter and Whoop Whoop. The first Christmas as a new family. Instead, I was degraded and spoken rudely to by my MIL every single day–to the point that other family members were noticing and making comments about how rude she was being to me and she really should stop.

My MIL got drunk to the point of puking on both Xmas Eve and Xmas. She was of no help the following mornings in her non-child proofed house because she was so hung over.

She was often irritated with my babies because they were crying around her. Their cousin, Luke, is 10 days older and very chilled out. All we heard were comparisons to Luke-whom she favors-to the point I almost screamed to her that my boys aren’t Luke and they never will be so just Shut Up. But I held my tongue. For three days I walked around avoiding her, emotionally and mentally “checked out” in order to protect myself.

And then came the blizzard. And we were stuck there another day.

Before we left Chicken agreed that if her mother was rude to me again, she would stand up for me. She did not.

I took the stockings off the mantle this morning and packed them in my suitcase. I don’t know where we will be spending the holidays next year, but it won’t be there.

My boys deserve better. They are the light and joy of my life. I want more for them. I deserve better.
We’re thinking a nice holiday beach vacation next year.
Christmas in Mexico sounds lovely.
Even Christmas with my family would be great after this and that’s saying ALOT.

Hope your holidays were wonderful. I can’t wait to get home.

This was not the Christmas I dreamed of, but all I can do is move forward and make next year better.

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