Today was a pretty shitty day. Grunter–who usually falls asleep without a peep before I’ve left the room, couldn’t get it together last night and I ended up nursing him to sleep and he still didn’t go down until 8 pm. For a guy that is usually out cold by 6:45, that was late.
Then, he woke up at 5am this morning. I have been sleeping in the bedroom with them this past week because I just can’t bear the damn sofa bed. I’ve got the memory foam topper on my bed and damn, it’s a fine thing. However, Grunter is waking early again since we/I’m in there (I even tried the suggestion of a curtain. Didn’t help.)
This past week, I’ve brought him in bed with me, Chicken hits the couch and we cozy up for some booby bedtime. Usually he falls back asleep, I transfer him to his crib and we all sleep until 7 or 7:30am. I don’t like getting woken up at 5am, but the sleep I’m getting in my bed is amazing and I do love the quality snuggle time with my little guy.
This morning he didn’t go back to sleep. Then W2 woke up at 6am and thank GOD I had the foresight last night to prep as much of their food as possible, because they had meltdowns all day long of epic proportions.
Whoop Whoop wants/needs me to be near him all.the.time, all day long. As in, while I’m changing Grunter’s diaper he repeatedly tries to climb in my lap and flips out that he can’t. He hangs on my legs, needs to be held and is just super clingy right now. He flips out when I go to the bathroom and he can see me! Basically if I go to the other side of the gate-he goes beserk. I don’t even need to leave the room or be out of eye sight.
I think this is starting to affect Grunter because he’s not getting as much attention from me now. Today, he started biting W2. So, we did one minute time outs in the crib 4 times. It was horrible.
This morning, I tried to take them to an area playing field that we frequent almost daily but today there were a couple of bikes leaning against the fence and W2 pulled one over on himself and so I parked my stroller in front of them, but even then he was obsessed and while I’m trying to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself with the bikes, Grunter is taking off out the gate towards the fountain and no, they won’t close the gates and now that I’ve got Grunter where the hell is W2 and now W2 has darted out the other opening. Yeah. People are not listening to Mommy.
I tell them that they have to do a time out in the stroller every time they go for the gate and after 3 time outs, we pack it up and leave. No more playing.
We threw our lunch, we threw our smoothie cups, the lids burst open, there was smoothie everywhere. Mommy was trying super hard not to lose her shit and so looking forward to nap time so SHE could nap, too!
But Mr. Grunter, who had fallen asleep in the stroller earlier because of his 5am wake up, did not want to sleep at nap time and so I brought him in bed with me again, (my boobs are a powerful thing) so he would at least nurse, zone out and maybe fall asleep. No dice. It was relaxing at least, but there was no nap.
Whoop Whoop didn’t sleep long enough and was clinging to my leg as I was trying to take Grunter’s sleep sack off him. I had Grunter on the bed and seriously turned for one second and the next thing I know he is falling head first off the bed. Boom. Cry. Everyone scared shitless.
He is fine, but there’s a knotty bruise forming on his head.
I decided to try a city playground this afternoon as they keep their gates closed. There is a small one near my house that is rarely crowded and I’ve been OK there by myself before. Nothing is ever relaxing and it’s like watching the world’s fastest tennis game while also fetching the balls, but it’s DO-able.
It started off fine, W2 happily walking around with his doll stroller and Grunter tottering around. Then W2 wants to check out the tree and it was a really cool tree, so we all go to examine the bark and talk about the tree. Whoop Whoop is a down and dirty kind of kid–all boy–and he starts to examine the dirt. I hate dirt. But I have accepted that kids get dirty and if they want to play in the dirt, I’m not going to stop them. Even Grunter was into it and that kid usually hates to get his hands dirty. So I’m cool. It’s dirt. Whatev.
Um, what the hell. This dirt is beyond dirty. It’s liberally sprinkled with rat poop.
I scoop the boys up, plunk them down in the stroller and take out the wipes before anyone can touch anything or put their fingers in their mouths.
We walked back to the apartment with Mommy trying not to cry. First of all, I feel like a failure that I can’t seem to make it through ONE SINGLE FUCKING DAY by myself without things dissolving into chaos. Second, I feel like there’s not a single safe place I can take these boys by myself.
I want them to be able to explore and run and play with dirt–safely.
“Our” house is still on the market.
I was sitting in the living room last night listening to the people outside and thought–if we lived in that house we could be sitting outside right now. The boys could be in bed, but we could be having dinner outside and they would be safe. We could go for a swim and then sleep in our own bed. That would be a really nice quality of life.
I keep trying to make myself believe that we can do this here–to the point I have seriously thought of stopping little kids on the sidewalk and asking them if they’d rather live close to the beach with a huge backyard and a swimming pool and their own playroom or live in NYC? I haven’t done it yet, but I’ve come close. I’m super curious to the responses. What makes people stay? We are going crazy.
We had originally thought we’d make the trip down to Florida in July or early August, but I’m thinking that date might be moved up to June…
I think I just hit my breaking point today where I found myself thinking “My boys just played in rat poop. Can we leave today?”
Anyone have any tips on how to house hunt with twin toddlers in tow?