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November 8, 2011


Home Study Questions for Second Parent Adoption

I’d like to start off by saying I’m pissed that we have to do this at all for us to be a “legal” family.  We procrastinated the adoption for a long, long time.  Partially because we are already legally married and Chicken is listed on the birth certificate, but mostly because we hired a lawyer that has made so many mistakes it’s ridiculous.  She’s so careless I have no idea how she gets through the day.

We’ve finally gotten to the home study portion of the adoption which means we’re almost done!  Last week the social worker came over and spent 2 hours with us.  Good God.  I can’t even believe that she wanted our entire life stories from BIRTH to present.  WTF?!
Now you know that I am not really a private person, but I was pissed that we had to go through all of these questions–to be so judged.
Today, I get an email from the social worker and I must say….I’m a bit in disbelief.

These questions…is this NORMAL for a home study??   Did anyone else have to go through all of this??
And the kicker?  The social worker is a pregnant lesbian I’ve previously met on several occasions.  Someone else is going to be coming to her house and doing the same damn thing.
It’s so messed up on so many levels.


Hope this email finds you and the boys well. I have completed my first drafts of the home studies and have some follow up questions.
What is your actual address?
Documents: I am looking for a letter from the Cryobank and also, egg donor letter. Does Stupid Lawyer have these? We need to find out. I will write to her but please also investigate.
Do you call each other wife, spouse, partner. Do you go by Ms. or Mrs.? I assume Ms. but you never know.
I need current info on your parents. How old are they, still working, retired? interests, hobbies, how often see twins, are they coming to Costa Rica? Relationship with Puffer and boys.
What did you get your B.A. in?
What was your job at XXX?
2007-09 you were a marketing manager for whom, I know it was an on line non profit.
How long has your mother been married to stepfather, confirm 22 years?
Your mother met the twins after their birth and again in 2010. When?
Are your mother and step father coming to Costa Rica?
Did your brother meet the boys on Mother’s Day 2011?
Does your father know the twins were born?
Confirm you were in counseling in college and did you do any therapy since?
I know Puffer is the birth mother. Do you consider Chicken to be the bio mother? Or the egg donor? I know that technically, she is an egg donor, but it seems significant that she is biologically related to the boys. Can you comment on this.
At birth, were boys born early, what did they weigh, were they healty? Which was born first?
I met the boys, but it was hard for me in the short visit to distinguish them apart yet. How is Grunter different from W2 in temperment, character? How are they different and alike? Play, language, etc.