Monthly Archives

August 2012


Weaning My 2.5 Year Old

The day came.  And then it lingered…
I didn’t set out to wean him.  In fact, I was quite happy with our relationship but I also knew that it would come to an end.  Probably sooner than later.

When I set out to ‘try’ breastfeeding my twins, I was completely clueless.
For some reason, I came home from the hospital determined to breastfeed but hadn’t even opened my pump, read the instructions or was aware that I needed to sterilize the parts.  Not good things to discover on the night you get home and realize you need to pump–now.
I knew there could be complications.  I knew there was a learning curve.  I vaguely knew of quite a few things about breastfeeding.  There were books on breastfeeding decorating my shelves.  Not that I’d read them.
I suppose, I was in complete denial that there would be any problems whatsoever.  Or maybe I figured it would be so hard that it wouldn’t work and I’d just switch to formula.  After all, I never was a very good student if the subject didn’t come naturally to me (a huge weakness of mine that as you can see plagues me to this day).

The fact that I ended up being so passionate about breastfeeding came as quite a shock to me.  Especially because it was to this day one of the hardest things I’ve ever done (and stuck to it).  This ‘thing’ had a tight grip on me and I would not fail.
Looking back, I probably should’ve given myself a break.  I should have looked at it as a great thing to do, but not as something I “failed” at doing.
And even though I breastfed one twin for 18 months and the other for 2.5 years, there are those in the militant camp who might still chastise my efforts because–from time to time–I did supplement with formula.  Yes, overall I breastfed but there were times


We Have Itty Bitty Titties

Some of the best conversations happen in the dark while in bed.  Don’t you agree?  This also applies to toddlers (at least mine).

Last night as I was saying good night to the boys, Max said “You are my mommy”.
“Yes, I am.”
“You are my MaMaMee!” (They used to call me this before they figured out I was Mommy and Chicken was Mama)
“That’s right, I’ll always be your mamamee”
“You have boobies.”
“Yes, yes I do.”
Sebastian pipes up with “You have big ones, but Max and I have
little tiny ones.”
“Yours make mommy milk, but Max and I can’t make mommy milk.”
“That’s true, you do have little boobies, but girls make the mommy milk.”
Max, “Let me try your mommy milk right now!”

I oblige, standing there at the crib looking only slightly different from that very controversial Time magazine cover.  He hasn’t even tried to nurse in over a week, but what the hell.
After about 10 seconds he declares there’s only a little bit and I pull my shirt back down.

“I want to be a girl,” he says.
“Why?” I ask.
“So, I can make mommy milk.  Then there will be more.”
“Hmm, it would be hard for you to make mommy milk for yourself.”
“You should make more, Mommy.”
“I wish I could, Max.  But it doesn’t last forever and it lasted a really long time for you.  You were so lucky to have mommy milk as long as you did (2.5 years).  I’d have to make a baby to get more mommy milk.”
“Like Neal?”  Max asks excitedly, “You could have a baby like his little sister.  Then I would have mommy milk again!”
“Ummm, but if I had another baby, the mommy milk would be for the new baby.”
“Mommy, don’t make a baby, ok?” Sebastian pipes up.
“It’s OK Mommy” agreed Max.

Whew, glad that’s settled.  No one is pining for an extra little brother or sister over here!  We’re done, people, done.  The milk shop is out of business.  And I’ve got the itty bitty titties to prove it.  Such a sad sight these sorry, deflated little balloons on my chest.  They did an important job, but the battle scars are  severe!


How not to write a real post when you are so far behind you can’t catch up

The summer has flown by and there’s just so much to say I honestly don’t know where to start.

It’s bullets for now plus something new–FB status updates.  Because I can hammer something out on FB but can’t manage to get my shit together for a decent post.
Nevertheless, some of these post are just too good not to share.
I’m coming clean with real names because I just don’t have the time/energy to care to change them.  Eventually this was going to happen.
Now I have absolutely no secrets.  You know everything.
Grunter= Maximo
Whoop Whoop/W2=Sebastian

  • I’ve been nanny-free for almost 3 months.  Just me and the kids 24/7.  I didn’t think I could do it, but I can and I am.
  • Kate has been traveling for work more and more.  I’m single mom in the city a few time a month for days at a time.  So far, no nervous breakdowns.
  • We didn’t succeed in potty training Round One (Costa Rica in March) or Round Two (early June) 
  • The boys have all but dropped their nap
  • We bought bikes and child seats and are getting every dollar out of them exploring the city and Brooklyn.  Love family biking!
  • Between twins that don’t nap and me not having any help, I haven’t made much time to write
  • We spent a lovely week upstate in the Adirondacks with the boys and my parents (who drove 3 days to meet us there) followed by a week on Cape Cod.  Many miles of beautiful bike rides.  Vacation totally disrupts early potty training.
  • The boys are wicked smart and hilarious.

June 13:
Chicken: I think I gained 2 pounds. Do I look fat?
Me: It’s only 2 pounds, it probably muscle. No, you don’t look fat. When did you weigh yourself?
Chicken: This afternoon after I worked out.
Me: You don’t weigh yourself in the afternoon. You know that.
Grunter: Do it first ting in da morning.
OMG, this kid hears and remembers EVERYTHING.

June 12:
I am about 99% consistent on my follow through. My kids know this. Today, Mr. Max, who has decided not to nap and be a terror instead, was doing something he was not supposed to do. I gave him a warning and ended it with a “I mean it, Max.”. He did it anyway. I was too tired to care. And he (rather triumphantly I believe) declared, “Mommy didn’t mean it!” So smart these little munchkins. And a good reminder to be consistent.

June 14:
Washing dishes today and listening to the boys playing fireman in the living room. I cannot see the living room from my kitchen. The boys are naked. I momentarily panic thinking about what they are using as a ‘hose’ to put out the fire?? So I do what any mother would do, I called out to remind them that “real firemen use the potty when they have to pee.” And you know what? They did:)

June 17:
Toddlers not napping on the weekends….this is becoming a pattern. And one is completely naked in his crib. We’ll see how that goes. At least they’ve never tried to climb out. And they did sleep until almost 8am. Could be worse, right?

June 18:
I need to write a real book about parenting twins. Day 3 of no naps. Had to drag one crib to the middle of the room when I realized they had started ripping artwork off the walls. Second time I went in and discovered Max had removed all of his clothes and diaper–which was, of course–full of poop. They are both completely naked in their cribs, making the most annoying sounds ever to protest the fact that they don’t ‘do’ nap time OR rest time OR whatever it is I’m promoting thank-you-very-much. Kate is out of town. Ice cream is in the fridge, waiting for them to go to bed tonight.

And then I found the crib sheet removed and ripped into shreds…..
Oh, and if you think giving 2 year olds sensory boxes after having not napped for 3 days in a row is a good idea, you are an idiot. Unless, of course, you enjoy having 20 lbs of rice and 5 bags of dried split peas dumped ALL over your house. All wooden blocks have been put on high shelves as they were being used as weapons. Screw the ice cream. Mommy needs tequila.

June 19:
I made them walk and walk and walk some more. I fed them a hot lunch. I put them in double diapers–one frontwards and one backwards–to deter the mini strippers. I dimmed the lights and darkened the cool room. I read soothing books. I prayed to the nap gods. And then I left the room. There was shrieking and singing for 30 minutes. And then….finally….it was quiet. So I ate ice cream.
Unfortunately I soon heard what can only be described as a ripping sound and Sebastian softly chanting “naked naked naked” followed by cries of “Mommy, Pee Pee!”. Everything was off. Double diapers be damned. He wanted to pee in the potty. And really, how can I get mad at that? Back in the crib, butt naked and now smacking books against the side of his crib. At least one is asleep, no poop has been flung and the crib sheets aren’t shredded. If Kate’s flight has her here before bedtime, they are all hers! 

June 21:
I remember a few weeks ago another mom was asking how to keep diapers on at nap/bedtime and I said something really stupid and smug like “Oh, we’ve never had that problem. I guess it’s because we let them go naked so much that they get it out of their system.” Yeah, that. Karma. Last night before going to bed, we went in to check on the boys and were shocked to find Tian completely naked asleep in the crib.  Luckily, even though he’d been asleep for almost 4 hours, everything was completely clean and dry.  Today at nap time, I knew I had to break out the big guns.  The tape gun.  That’s right, I wrapped heavy duty packing tape around my little darlings diapers.  I expected massive protesting and possible hysterics.  Instead, I got Sebastian saying “Tape me up more, Mommy.”  Go figure.  They are napping.  Problem (hopefully) solved.

June 23:
Mutiny. They figured out how to get the tape off their diapers. Poo was involved. Must find stronger tape.

Sebastian has shredded every crib sheet we own except the one currently on Max’s bed. They were both starting to strip off their pj’s before I even turned off the light. Diapers were tightly wrapped with tape. But I wasn’t going to take any more chances. I quickly grabbed two long-sleeved, footed, zippered pj’s, cut the feet off and twisted the zipper pull until it broke. Next, I located a safety pin.  Stay with me here.  I then put the pj’s on backwards and used the safety pin to pull up the zipper (and then took the safety pin out).  They are zippered up backwards (and a snap at the top!) and man are they pissed about that.  Sebastian is sleeping white-trash style on a bare mattress as we have no crib sheets left.  It’s always an adventure around here.

June 28:
Even contained in their cribs they cause destruction. Managed to reach an edge of their play mat tiles ripping them up and dragging part of the rug into the crib. The crib that still has no sheet. Note the paint missing. (Sebastian found a piece of paint on the wall to chip away at…)  I suspect that hole is going to get bigger. So much energy.

July 2:
Any ideas on how to keep the mattress in the pack n play? My little darlings are traveling for the next couple of weeks and we’re day 4 of no naps. Today it was because they took the mattresses out and when I went upstairs Max had thrown his over the side and Sebastian had rolled his up and was trying to use it as an escape ladder. Anyone else’s kids do these tricks?  Velcro is nothing to these two.
You can’t get these two to sleep UNLESS they are contained.  They have never been able to sleep on an ‘open’ surface because they can’t help themselves to not get up and explore everything no matter how tired they are.  I marvel when I see babies/toddlers/kids sleeping on a blanket at the beach/park/home because they has never been any part of my reality–unless they are sick.