That is such an inadequate word to describe what I felt, but nevertheless it’s the first word that came in my Pufferhead.

Puffer no go home. At all. Ever. As in: Until I Give Birth.
For reals.

FaceBookers–you already know this.

The 24 hour urine test came back at 568 (300 is the cutoff). Those numbers kind of surprised me and the staff as when I was admitted my protein was zero, but it wasn’t a 24 hour collection (oh and to the nurse who complained about my ‘output’ I filled up that damn jug and started on another. I’ve got mad urine output lady!).
The result of protein in my urine combined with my blurry vision (that seems to be a bit worse…) gave them all they needed to keep me to monitor pre-eclampsia.
My blood pressure? Totally fine.

Carey: Yes, they draw bloods on me 2xday and are also testing for HELLP. So far, all bloods have been fine. I don’t *think* I’m seeing stars, but I’m going to pay close attention.

First I was stunned, then I cried in the dark, then I tried to get some sleep (failed), then I ate breakfast and bawled listening to Brandi Carlile’s “Dying Day”.
It was not a fun morning.

Chicken had a big presentation this morning at 8:30am and pulled an all-nighter getting it done, so while I really wanted to tell her, I didn’t want to stress her out beforehand. She called me and I told her anyway. Damn, that was some hard news.

There is good news!
I had an u/s and we did a growth measurement. At 32 weeks, 4 days: Chicklet is 4.7lbs and Shadow Boxer is 4.6lbs! Yeah! Little ole me is growing some nice big twins in there. I would’ve been joyful at 4lbs, so I was swimming in joy. If we can make it to 5 lbs, that is my new goal. They are doing great–they have a non-stress test everyday and all is well. And they are also BOTH vertex once again, so who knows, maybe I’ll get a chance to push after all.
I got a steroid shot for their lung development and will get the 2nd one tomorrow. This way if they do come early, they’ll have an extra head start.

I asked for and have already received a private room and bath. This is awesome, b/c I had…probably not the world’s WORST roomie, but close. She watched telenovas or People’s Court all day long and fell asleep during most of them snoring like a trucker. The trucker snoring only intensified at night. Her ringtone was set at the highest volume and was of a BABY CRYING. WTF?!?! I think my headaches will lessen in a private room!

There is a nice enough view of sunrises, although I’d rather have sunsets. That’s OK, I can see outside a big window and play music through my mac or just be in peace and quiet.
I could be here for 5 more weeks, so this is great.
While I have a lot I could be ‘doing’, my blurry vision is making things very complicated. It’s no fun to watch TV (have never even turned in on) or watch HuLu or an instant Netflix with this blurriness. It just makes me dizzy.
I have a great book that I’m reading with one eye. Ditto with the computer–not so easy to get things done when you can only see out of one eye at a time.
I think I’ll ask for an eye patch rather than holding my hand in front of my eye all of the time so I can focus.

Other positives? I don’t have to think about what to wear for the next month or what to eat or cleaning anything up. Yeah, other than getting excellent medical care, that’s all I can think of!

I’m trying to stay as positive as possible and I really want to thank everyone for their well wishes and words. It means a lot to me.
I have so many friends who want to come see me and I can’t wait to get some visitors. I know it will really lift my spirits.

Chicken is on her way up here and it will be so great to have a private room and get some snuggle time in. There’s even a chair that folds out into a twin bed if I want her to stay the night. She has cancelled her travel for next week and in now in NYC full time.
I miss her. I miss my cats. I miss my little home.
But this is what’s best for Chicklet and Shadow Boxer, so this is what I have to do.

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  • Reply N December 30, 2009 at 9:11 pm

    Oh, hon. That can’t be fun in the least. But you are working hard to keep those babies safe, and you’re doing a fantastic job.

    And honestly, I think you’ll look quite fetching with a pirate patch…

  • Reply Heidi December 30, 2009 at 9:20 pm

    Oh that is a total bummer!!! Many hugs and lots of love…you are doing a wonderful job keeping the babies happy, healthy and strong!!

    (be my facebook friend? heidimingo at gmail dot com)

    (ps, my word verification is water…input output!!)

  • Reply K December 30, 2009 at 9:25 pm

    Yeah, “bummer” really doesn’t cover it, does it?

    You are already a Supermom! I know sleeping in a hospital is miserable, but hopefully you’ll be able to get some rest in preparation for going home as a family of FOUR! :-)

  • Reply SupersammyG December 30, 2009 at 9:34 pm

    ugh…Sorry to hear that you are in for the duration. I hope you can cook those babies for a while. I had hellp so I hope you can avoid that hell and also a mag drip which is also not so much fun. Those are some big babies! That is so awesome and at 32 weeks you are in a pretty good place. Keep up the good work and I will be hoping you can keep the pre-e and hellp at bay for a couple of more weeks. Have the nicu folks come and talk to you yet? I would ask for a tour if you can. It is scary but it helps to see what it is like and have a picture of what it is like there (if you have to go which I hope you don’t). I will be keeping you all in my prayers and let me know if you have any questions.

  • Reply motherwilling December 30, 2009 at 9:34 pm

    Oh Puffer, I’m sorry you aren’t heading home, but I’m glad you’re well taken care of! Maybe you can listen to some audiobooks? Get lots of rest and consider posting a picture of you with your eye patch…

  • Reply nutella December 30, 2009 at 9:43 pm

    Oh Puffer, I’m so sorry that you have to stay, but so glad you and the fishes will be there getting any care that’s needed at a moments notice.

    Enjoy your sunrises and eye patch and sexy hospital gowns as much as is possible.

  • Reply cindyhoo2 December 30, 2009 at 10:06 pm

    Yeah, bummer doesn’t really cover hospital bedrest but you are being quite the trooper now that you have your own room. May I suggest that you use books on tape while your eyes are in blurry mode? Chicken could get some from the library or you can download them on iTunes. Also you can get free NPR programs from iTunes as well— all easy on the fuzzy sighted! Hang in there Puffer: it sounds like you will be the proud mama of 2 healthy newborn 5 lb babies in a few weeks.

  • Reply Sarah at Notes from 2 Moms December 30, 2009 at 10:23 pm

    boooo! I’m so sorry… very glad the kiddos are round and plumping up.. I’m crossing my fingers for a few more weeks.

  • Reply Mommy and Mamita December 30, 2009 at 10:29 pm

    Sorry about the hospitalization. I know what you are going through is so stressful. Hang in there. It sounds like the babies are doing great, which is what really matters most. Your twins are already bigger than Tyler was at birth.

  • Reply anofferingoflove December 30, 2009 at 10:42 pm

    Damn, that sucks. I like the audio books suggestion..

    Sounds like your babes are getting fantastic care, both from you and the hospital staff. Keep up the good work- you’re a trooper!

  • Reply Julie December 30, 2009 at 11:12 pm

    I work with some clients who have blurry vision (for very different reasons then you) with both eyes.  I have a trick that works for them, so although it may not work for you, I thought you might want to try it.
    You grab a pair of glasses, or empty frames from the drug store if you don’t need glasses.  Then put a piece of tape that is about as wide as your finger (1/2 width of normal masking tape) at each nasal edge of the glasses.  It looks crazy but usually the problem is caused by the
    binocular vision, or overlap of your right and left visual field.  So if you block out the inner edge of both visual fields, your blurriness should be hidden.
    Again, this works for my brain injured clients so it’s not the same cause.  But it sounds like the same symptom.

    Good luck, and I’m sorry about being hospital bound.  Congrats the
    babies are getting so big though.

  • Reply Mommy D December 30, 2009 at 11:52 pm

    I’m sorry you’re stuck in the hospital…. Your new Mantra: “It’s all for my babies…It’s all for my babies.” You are doing an amazing thing and cheers to you for setting the 5 pound goal!

  • Reply Keely December 31, 2009 at 1:01 am

    Sh*t! Puffer, I am so sorry. Add me to the list of people who would love to visit when/if you are in the mood. I will bring you some treats from Chickalicious.
    I know that you are kinda like me in that hate-to-be-a-patient kinda way so I hope that you get as much privacy and autonomy as you can to make the experience more bearable.
    Glad that Chicken could cancel her travel to be with you. Please let me know if I can do anything.

  • Reply Eva December 31, 2009 at 1:39 am

    Oh, no. I hate to hear this news. I”m sorry. Thinking of you. More to come offline.

  • Reply tireegal68 December 31, 2009 at 1:43 am

    I don’t know how I missed this one but it seems that I did! I’m so sorry and I hope that things go as well as possible for you in the next few weeks. Clever you for getting a private room. The babies sound like troopers – and so do their moms!
    I will be watching!

  • Reply Two Moms, Two Monkeys December 31, 2009 at 2:01 am

    Hey Puffer, Sorry you are stuck but glad they kept you. That blurry vision had me thinking HELLP as well, so I’m happy the fishies are getting the monitoring they need. While it gets tough being in the hospital, try and stay positive and rest as much as you can. I asked the nurses to please group my checks/meds so that they could only bother me once or twice at night rather than every hour. The days I felt the most rested, I had better test readings. The best news is that your blood pressure is still low. As long as you can maintain that, I think you can hold steady.

    Visitors is a great idea, just make sure you are able to REST. I’ll be thinking of you and checking back to make sure the fishies are still baking on the inside! My twins were born at 3lbs 6 ounces and 3lbs 10 ounces so yours are already ahead of the game. The bigger the better!

  • Reply Libberal December 31, 2009 at 2:50 am

    Sorry your stuck at the hospital, lady. You’ve got some great positivity going, keep it up! I know this is no consolation, but it will be entertaining to see what happens in the hospital in the next couple of weeks. Whatever it is, I’m sure it will be fodder for a good stories for the twins later in life. On an unrelated note, my wife was having sinus issues of late and used the neti pot, much to her surprise, it helped! It reminded me of your bloody nose days..

  • Reply projectkjetil December 31, 2009 at 3:26 am

    Bummer is indeed the understatement of the year, but before you’ll know it, you’ll be strapping those healthy kids into hiking packs and travelling the world with them. I just know it. Eyes (or one eye and one patch) on the prize, right?

    Thinking good things for all four of you.

  • Reply Carrie December 31, 2009 at 4:04 am

    Oh hun I’m sorry this has happened. it sounds like it’s more or less under control, and at least youre in excellent hands the next 5 weeks. Your babies are an excellent weight, woohooo!!! That’s such good news. Im so glad you got a private room, too. Your roomie sounded like a bit of a nightmare. We will all be thinking of you the next 5 weeks, and hoping things go as smoothly as they can. keep us updated as you’re able! :)

  • Reply tui December 31, 2009 at 4:06 am

    Bummer is right, that’s some hard news alright. I’m so glad that you got a private room though, for as long as you might be there that’s gotta be a sanity saver. Great news that the bubs are both doing great though, hopefully this hospital stay will keep all of you in fine form!

  • Reply wishinghopingpraying December 31, 2009 at 9:05 am

    Bummer is really the only way to describe it. I am so sorry you are stuck at the hospital. The babies are so lucky to have such a wonderful mommy keeping them safe and cooking them just a bit longer.I am online a lot so feel free to say hi on gmail or FB me if you need to chat. Huge hugs to the 4 of you.

  • Reply loveinventsus December 31, 2009 at 2:30 pm

    {{{{HUG}}}}}} Thinking about you and the fishies. Take care of yourself!

  • Reply Anonymous December 31, 2009 at 3:24 pm

    ~big hug~ if u like…not the news I hope to read while heading home from work. so this is what I do next: light a candle for you, the babies and your wife. And I am counting the days with you. For the babies I hope that they will stay as long as they could and for you I wish that these days fly by….love, Monika

  • Reply chicklet December 31, 2009 at 6:12 pm

    Ugh, that’s gotta suck – even if it IS best for the babies. You’ll need lotsa books to read to keep you entertained…

  • Reply thebao December 31, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    Oh my gosh! You poor thing. It sounds like you’re being super positive about it, though, and I’m so glad you’re getting a private room. Best wishes for a comfortable stay.

  • Reply Gayby Rabies December 31, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    Shit. I am so sorry. This does not sound like a fun way to ring in the new year. On a positive note, I’m glad that you’re in good hands and that the babies are growing and thriving. And congrats on scoring a private room- that should make all the difference in the world!

  • Reply Carey December 31, 2009 at 7:29 pm

    First things first – those are some AWESOME weights! Nice job momma! Maybe some audiobooks are in order? Trust your gut, keep paying attention to your body. Fingers crossed for you all. And congrats on the private room – makes a world of difference!!

  • Reply poppycat.wordpress.com December 31, 2009 at 9:12 pm

    Oh sweetheart, that just sucks. I’m so sorry. I was sure you were going to be able to go home but you are a trooper and I know you will manage. Maybe all the rest will help keep those little buns in the oven a little longer than if you were at home.

    I think you should get some audio books since watching tv is no good. maybe they can help lul you to sleep with their monotone reading! 😉

    Thinking of you and sending higs and kisses your way.

  • Reply Gabby January 1, 2010 at 1:55 am

    hello.. been following ou for a while.. just read the last few posts all at once.. talk abotu a roller coaster as i was reading.. cant imagine living through it. however, ou have an excellent attitude and you are doing the best thing for your babies.. so excited about you getting your own room.. definitley get that eye patch too! you are going to need some tv!

    great weights on those babes! they are gonna be 7 pounds when born!! that is great!!

  • Reply Heather January 1, 2010 at 3:53 am

    oh no! Puffer, I hope that the next 5 weeks goes by fast. I’m glad that you were able to land a private room, it will be well worth it!

  • Reply Karina Chiodo May 5, 2011 at 6:46 am

    So how’s your vision now? Keeping positive thoughts in spite of some challenges will help you, that’s for sure. Perhaps your blurry vision was caused by your preeclampsia.

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