And this is this week.
After a session where my therapist analyzed my bad dream (I didn’t figure out those characters myself) we spoke about my need to always remain composed and in control.
It’s a survival skill set that I learned early in life and it has suited me quite well. But it can outwardly make me appear that I need no help whatsoever thank you very much when inside I’m screaming.
I hate showing any sign of weakness because in my past…weakness simply was not permissible.
That caused me to think long and hard about the situation at hand (not that I haven’t been doing this already)…but with a different focus of trying to ask for help inside of stifling the screams.
The failure of the non-start IVF cycles have really thrown me for a loop. It wasn’t until this point I felt a scream building up inside me. Even after the m/c, I carried on and remained positive.
I sure as hell never expected to suddenly find out in the middle of all this that I’m also hypothyroid. How I wish I’d known to ask them for this test at the very beginning. But they had a test from the previous year and those results are good for 2 years. Also, the ‘normal’ ranges my RE uses are much higher than present standards, so even if they’d tested it one year ago, they would’ve called it normal.
For TTC, your TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) should be between 1-2 (new standards).
My RE’s cut off is 5.5 (old standards).
Mine is 6.27.
Big difference, eh?
So, this week I picked myself up, called my GP requesting all thyroid blood work from the last decade (yes, I’m one of those people who has a full physical evaluation and blood work done once a week—except for last year).
Armed with this, I got in with one of the best endocrinologist’s in the city and we are working to come up with treatment.
I knew as soon as I walked in his office and saw Buddha statues all over I was in good hands. I’ve been on synthroid one week now…and I’ll go for more tests in 3 weeks to retest the TSH levels as well as thyroid antibodies, Free T3 and Free T4. In addition, he is concerned that I may have also have a problem with my adrenal functioning properly, so we’ll do tests on those as well.
It pains me so to think this could be the reason for my m/c and so many months that looked like it might have been a chemical.
Please ladies, if you’re not getting pregnant and you haven’t had your thyroid tested, go do it! You don’t have to go to an RE, you can have your GP do it. I wish someone had told me…
The good news is that the meds could work quickly and get me down to a TSH level of 1 or 2 in one month’s time.
If that happens and the other tests come back normal, I would know just in time to get back on the Day 21 Estrogen Priming protocol for March IVF.
If not….we adjust the meds and try for an April start.
I’m feeling extremely empowered this week and my dreams reflect it. The latest?
I was having s.ex with a heavily pregnant Asian woman. It was super hot. Um, my wife is not Asian. I mean, I’ve had a few Asian girlfriends, but K is not one of them! But it’s all good, she’s cool like that with me and my dreams.
I have no idea what my therapist will make of this, but I’m anxious to hear it!