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D & C

I cannot fucking believe that I’ve had to go through so much trauma with this pregnancy only to have to schedule my own D & C 11 weeks after giving birth.

The clot will ‘probably’ not bleed out on its own. It might. But it might not. And if it doesn’t, then it will surely get infected. Not a risk I can take.

They could give me drugs, but then I can’t breastfeed my boys so it would be days and days of pumping and dumping with them getting bottles of formula the entire time.
Given the difficulties I’ve had with breastfeeding in general, plus the helluva time I’ve had with Whoop Whoop, who is perhaps the fussiest feeder of all times, I’m not ok with the possibility of going backwards in terms of progress.

So, a D & C it is. You know, the same procedure for a miscarriage or an abortion. I never had to have a D & C with my miscarriage but I have to have one now. UnFuckingBelievable.

I know some people absolutely loved being pregnant and can’t wait to experience that feeling again. But for the record, I am not one of them.
I handled the twin pregnancy very well even when they found my cervix shortening and I was told to take it really easy. I scaled back and did what I was told.
And then I developed Pre Eclampsia symptoms around Christmas, 31 weeks, and was hospitalized. Even that wasn’t too bad. But after watching my blood pressure rise and my vision deteriorate and the pre e going full blown with a dose of HELLP added….it was just too much.

I’ve never even written my birth story but trust me, it sucked. I was fortunate enough to have both twins head down, but had to skip the natural birth for a last minute C-Section.
And then the recovery from the C-Section….where I developed anemia from so much blood loss and my blood pressure skyrocketed again and I was almost hospitalized 2 days after coming home. Let’s not forget the part where I couldn’t poop for a week. That was all really fun.

And now, I’ve been bleeding for 11 weeks. I fear I’m also leaking some urine, but I don’t know for sure. What I do know is that after all of this, I have to go get a D & C.
I never thought that would be possible. I never dreamt this scenario.

It’s been a very trying day today. Both twins are inconsolable and have been most of last night as well. We are functioning on very little sleep and just trying to survive. I didn’t need this today. These boys complete us, but my god this is the hardest thing we have ever done. It is 24 hours, non-stop work and sometimes we just feel like we might crack. We don’t. But we really need a break. Today was not that break.

We’ve got 2 vials of our donor left. If we use them–and yes, we have already talked about the possibility of having another child even in the midst of twin newborn insanity–it won’t be me getting knocked up this time. I’m done. Done.
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22 Comments

  • Reply Schroedinger April 7, 2010 at 1:53 am

    Shit. I am sorry. That really sucks. I know after what you have been through it won’t be much in comparison, but it is One More Thing you don’t need right now.
    Seriously if you need anything– help, food, a break, let me know! I am totally up for helping you & Chicken in any way.

  • Reply K April 7, 2010 at 2:07 am

    Well, crap. That would be lousy news under the best of circumstances, let alone in the midst of new baby sleep deprivation times two. Someday this really will be behind you, and it will just be one more crazy, awful thing you went through to get those wonderful baby boys.

  • Reply glamcookie April 7, 2010 at 2:23 am

    Shit, I’m sorry about the D&C. You’ve really been through it. I hope things stabilize quickly for you and Chicken. {{{}}}

  • Reply Jen April 7, 2010 at 2:36 am

    Oh Puff… I am so sorry! I didn’t even know that was an option. I am glad you went to the doc and have come to conclusion instead of just bleeding. I am very, very sorry you are struggling so…

  • Reply N April 7, 2010 at 3:17 am

    Oh man. I can’t even imagine. I’m sorry. ♥ ♥ ♥

  • Reply Carrie April 7, 2010 at 3:24 am

    I hear ya girl. And I’m sending you hugs. Lots of huge. xx

  • Reply Sunny April 7, 2010 at 4:02 am

    Hugs, hugs, and more hugs. Major suckage. Will you throw something at me if I say it will get easier? Probably, and I’d deserve it, so I won’t go there. Sorry you are going through this and hope things smooth out for you soon.

  • Reply cindyhoo2 April 7, 2010 at 5:45 am

    Wow! No wonder you are not keen to jump into carrying another baby: your experiences during and post pg have not been glowing. Understatement to say the least! If it helps any at all- I did not physically mind my d & c too badly. Not fun but NOTHING compared to the csection you already experienced. The recovery time was also pretty minimal– again though I got uninterupted rest which is a scarce commodity for you.

    Have you joined up with a local chapter of Parent of Twins and trips? Even my area has one and people swear by the support they recieved from others who have been in the new-twin-mommy trenches in terms of maintaining sanity and such.

    I am sorry life is so hard right now.

  • Reply Lizzie April 7, 2010 at 8:13 am

    big hugs & thinking of you

  • Reply Ali April 7, 2010 at 11:48 am

    I’m so sorry to hear of that:it’s so scary just to read of it, I can imagine how difficult it is to handle such a situation for real. You don’t even know me, but for what it’s worth, I’m thinking of you and sending good vibes to you.
    Don’t give up!

  • Reply anofferingoflove April 7, 2010 at 12:50 pm

    damn. when it rains, it pours, eh? and pours, and pours, and pours.

    thinking of you.

  • Reply AdventuresInBabyMaking April 7, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    Damn, girl, I’m so sorry you’re having such a rough time. My bff had to have a D&C several weeks after the birth of her daughter for the same reason you need one. The good news is that I don’t think it was too difficult for her, and hopefully these issues will be behind you (at long last).

    xo

  • Reply loveinventsus April 7, 2010 at 2:52 pm

    I’m so sorry. That just blows. Sending a big hug your way.

  • Reply tbean April 7, 2010 at 3:16 pm

    Well fuck. I’m sorry. That totally sucks. I hope that it is over soon and that you finally feel relief from all the bleeding and that the procedure seems easier and more pain-free than you expect.

  • Reply projectkjetil April 7, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    Puffer, I am so very sorry about this shit. Not okay! I hope that you heal quickly from the d&c and have excellent health forever onward.

  • Reply luckylittle13 April 7, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    fuck, fuck, fuck! I’m so sorry dear.I wish I could do more than send hugs… xo

  • Reply Mommy D April 7, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    I’m so, so sorry for you and all of the crap you’ve had to go through… I’ve had a D&C and it should make things so much easier than waiting/hoping the clot will bleed itself out… I didn’t even spot after my D&C (for my miscarriage before Miss Brooklyn was born) so I’m crossing my fingers for you that this will eliminate the issue so you can focus on the boys….Hang in there!

  • Reply Melissa April 7, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    NO WAY!! I would be an emotional sobbing heap on the floor especially with the little ones acting up. I know it doesn’t help but I am so sorry. You have been put through the wringer for sure.

  • Reply Gia April 7, 2010 at 9:37 pm

    This happened to me after the birth of the trips I was bleeding from Jan 24th to march 30th and had to have a D&C…Trust me YOU WANT THE DRUGS!

  • Reply poppycat April 7, 2010 at 11:52 pm

    Oh fuck. I’m shaking my head over here. Wish I were there to offer some helping hands so you could go soak in a hot tub and then have a nap. Instead, just know i’m sending all my best for you.

  • Reply Expectant Duck April 8, 2010 at 12:53 am

    You’ve been bleeding for weeks and weeks and loosing all that blood, totally entitled to freak out.
    totally.

  • Reply Nuke Runner April 12, 2010 at 8:08 am

    As a recently retired labor and delivery nurse, your doc is not being accurate about the anesthesia. Think about it, women have emergency c-sections with general anesthesia all the time and they get to breastfeed. Not in every case do docs have the luxury to put in an epidural in, which takes 15 minutes to kick in, and sometimes there are cases where they just cannot get an epidural or a spinal in and then those women get a general.
    According to Dr Tom Hale’s website, who has written 3 books on breastfeeding and pharmacology the drugs that you will be exposed to clear the system as soon as you wake up. They have been studied and there is a section for health professionals to reference as well, in case you are or they are concerned.
    The body acts as a great filter and most anestheaia drugs are very very short acting, especially the sedatives, hypnotics, they last for minutes, so you can see why the body would clear them so quickly. If they only work on us for 5 minutes and we can break it down, then in an hour and filtered through the liver and the kidney and the breast tissue itself it is safe for our babies.
    I hate for you to suffer through a procedure that could be painful if you don’t have to and doctors need to be educated so that women are not needlessly separated from their babies due to a surgical procedure that they need to have.
    Hope this helps.
    I am using DH’s computer, so will sign out,
    Meliisa

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