Last week I had a dream that I’d been kidnapped by two men. One was the really bad guy and the other one (representing my two abusers as a child) was bad, but more like “I don’t think we should be doing this” but doing it anyway bad.
I kept trying to run away and scream for help. I screamed and screamed but no one could ever hear me.
Once, I got close enough to a lady (representing my mother), grabbed her arm and pleaded with her to please help me. Get me out of here. She looked terrified of me and shook my arm off, and ran away. I was left in tears wondering why no one would help me. Why?
In the end, I escaped but I was all alone.
You might say I’m feeling a bit helpless in all this right about now.
The problem with living in this city is that you feel like there’s nowhere you can scream. I remember living where I had a car and sometimes I’d just get in the car to drive and scream. It felt so good.
We’re renting a car and going upstate to ski this weekend. I think I’ll find some time alone to take it out for a spin and scream my head off.