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Limbo

This is the state I’m in. Still pregnant, no doubt about it–but the numbers are still low. However, they have done exactly what they are supposed to be doing which is doubling every 48 hours. And, older women have much lowers numbers than younger ones. It’s hard not to compare.

I’ve been spotting everyday, very light brown, which I’ve read is perfectly normal. But it is still scary.
There have been some ‘pregnancy’ symptoms which are reassuring:
in the mornings the need to eat NOW hits me full force. I’ve dry heaved twice in the morning, once on Sunday and once this morning. No nausea or vomiting whatsoever, just a gag and then I’m back to normal.
My energy is not lagging at all!
In fact, K had a hard time keeping up with me this weekend and she was flying in from Central time! So, that’s great.
K is so excited but is taking my cue and not knowing whether to be excited or cautious or a crazy combination of both.
It’s difficult and now she’s gone again.

My travel plans are tricky with the testing b/c they want to see me again this Saturday and I leave Thursday for Montreal and won’t be able to test again until I’m back in NYC on Tuesday, Sept. 2.
Then, I’ll just have that test to go on before I leave for Indonesia three days later….
Yikes.

ETA:
Perfect timing (1) I just got 2 free tickets to “Spring Awakening”.
My due date is April 30th, so I’m going to take this as a good sign! (2) my BFF just called me to remind me most women just have the POAS to go by for 10 weeks until they have their first appointment so stop stressing about the numbers. They are doing what they should be doing.
She thinks it’s great that I’m traveling so I can’t have too many tests and keep obsessing about the numbers!
She’s probably right.
She also told me to think positive and believe that I’m truly pregnant—the baby needs that positive energy.
So, here I go.
We’re PREGNANT.
Hard to believe, but totally true.
The universe knew better than to keep me inside all winter with an infant and wants me to have the summer off!

PS—I just had my annual review today and it was great! More money, big bonus–all for the baby!

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13 Comments

  • Reply shawn August 26, 2008 at 11:15 pm

    :)

    i think that’s the best attitude to have. you are PREGNANT!!! go with the positive energy!! and i agree – better to be traveling and not obsessing over betas.

    have fun and congrats again!

  • Reply queerstork August 26, 2008 at 11:17 pm

    I almost posted today on your previous entry begging for an update. But I held back and was rewarded!

    I agree with your BFF – stop worrying and enjoy your trips!

    Your side bar notes that you only did clomid on your winning cycle – no progesterone or trigger this time?

    So jealous you’re headed to Indonesia. Damn.

  • Reply Ksarker @ yahoo.com August 26, 2008 at 11:23 pm

    Hi Travelher!

    I have been lurking at your blog since late June and have it in my Favorites. Congratulations on the BFP and your wedding.
    FWIW, does your acupuncturist do post-implantation sessions? Mine has some amazing miracle-stories. Good luck!

  • Reply Lizzie August 27, 2008 at 1:20 am

    Sorry there has been some limbo, but I think you’re right. It’s doubling, you’re preggers, and so many people wouldn’t have even tested by this point. So relax, travel, and congratulations!!!!!!!

  • Reply mulberry August 27, 2008 at 1:31 am

    great news on the doubling, the heaving, the big bonus and the more money! you are doing great… keep on goin!

  • Reply Carrie August 27, 2008 at 2:34 am

    yay on your annual review! lots of positive things are happening. try to be as positive as you can about the pregnancy, and dont lose faith. (easier said than done)

    For what it’s worth, a good friend of mine who is 36 is now 6 months pregnant. In the beginning, she had brown spotting for a while, and her numbers were also very low. So low, that the docs even told her she’d have an inevitable m/c. so she waited and waited for it to happen, but her numbers kept doubling. Lo and behold, she’s due in November – baby is perfectly healthy!

    i know how many big and little scares we get, from TTC to pregnancy. im hoping and expecting you to have a healthy pregnancy! :)

  • Reply insertmetaphor August 27, 2008 at 4:31 am

    I think that’s the perfect approach that your friend suggested. You’re pregnant! You have no reason to think something is going to go wrong. I’m so happy for you.

    Congrats on your bonus too!

  • Reply nutella August 27, 2008 at 2:41 pm

    I’m sorry that you feel like you are in such limbo. But I agree that choosing happiness is the right path to take. I know that it isn’t always easy to get your heart and mind to agree and I think that a certain amount of fear will always be there. But what kind of life would we have if we always chose to be afraid?

    On a different angle, please, please try not to compare beta numbers. I know it’s tempting, but everytime I’ve done it it has only FREAKED ME OUT! They are doubling and that good and that is that.

  • Reply Gia August 27, 2008 at 4:03 pm

    Guess who slept in socks last night??? :-)

  • Reply eggdance August 27, 2008 at 4:48 pm

    YEA! Sorry I am late to the party, but CONGRATULATIONS!

    I think that all the information that we have access to is not always useful or comforting. It sounds as though everything that you are experiencing is perfectly normal (and half of all women have spotting during pregnancy). Keep celebrating!

  • Reply wishinghopingpraying August 27, 2008 at 6:30 pm

    All of this is wonderful news! Please enjoy your trips and being pregnant.Congratulations!

  • Reply j.k-c. August 27, 2008 at 7:16 pm

    You are absolutely pregnant!!! And your numbers are doing exactly what they are suppossed to do. Keep reminding yourself that you are pregnant, eventually you’ll remember. :)

  • Reply Rachel August 28, 2008 at 6:53 am

    Well, if fetuses need positive thinking, mine’s even more of a miracle than I thought before … that said, I skipped all my betas because I was abroad and nobody had even heard of them in the countries I was traveling in … so hang in there. If I were you I might stock up on some pee-sticks if you need reassurance along the road – they’re much cheaper in the U.S. But I hope you don’t stress about skipping the beta numbers.

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