One Year Ago

I’d been hospitalized over the Xmas holidays, the day after Xmas to New Year’s Day.
They thought for sure I would deliver, but after being monitored for a week, my pre-E symptoms were minor enough I was instructed to go home, monitor my blood pressure 3xday and either stay in bed or in the recliner.
I did as told and every week charted my blood pressure rising, rising, rising.

On Wednesday, Jan. 20 I had my weekly OB appointment. That morning as I released the cuff and recorded a record high number I said to Chicken “pack that bag, they aren’t going to let me come back home”. I felt absolutely fine. But I just knew.
Sure enough I was told to go straight to L & D. We didn’t. There was a little voice inside my head that felt so rushed as I was leaving and I just wanted to come back home and take it all in one last time.
So, we got some take out–a lamb shwarma from the street guy–and ate it in the taxi on the way home. Chicken finished packing her bag and mine while I sat in the Lazy Boy a bit dazed and confused. I remember petting the cats and looking around thinking, “This is the last time anything will be like this. The next time I come home, we’ll have babies.”

I wasn’t ready. I mean, I know everyone says you’ll never be truly ready but really: I wasn’t ready. I am a procratinator by nature and even though I had loads of time to prepare and should have been tick ticking that list, there were still very basic (stupid) things I had failed to do. Like take the breast pump out of the box and figure out how it works (hint–boiling the parts once the twins have arrived home and you are crazy trying to figure out everything? too late.) or get a changing pad. You know, BASIC things. But mostly, we were prepared.

I took a belly shot and had Chicken take photos, remembering that I would never be pregnant again.

35 week and 4 days…

In Triage after being admitted…I look so pretty:) Pretty HUGE!

Even though it was only 364 days ago and I thought I would never forget, it’s really hard to remember just how I felt pregnant. How hard it was, how painful and exhausting. I never thought that feeling would go away–I’m glad it has. So much has happened in the past year, that I look at these photos now and it seems a million miles away.
What a wonderful, crazy, hazy year it’s been.

I’ve never written my birth story before. But it’s time. I’m ready. Stay tuned….
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  • Reply K J and the kids January 21, 2011 at 3:09 am

    Can’t wait !
    I love it that you went home :) I am also so glad that you were there…in the moment…able to breath it all in. ONE. LAST. TIME :) ha ha

  • Reply Movie Gyrl January 21, 2011 at 4:00 am

    Definitely looking forward to your birth story. Your pics are amazing. I always suggest to ppl to take loads of belly pics. When I get to be there, I want to have photos and vids to remember it all :)

  • Reply Somethingtogrow January 21, 2011 at 4:18 am

    Can’t wait for the birth story. Congratulations on this amazing first year!

  • Reply reproducinggenius January 21, 2011 at 6:10 am

    I would have gone home too–and I was a procrastinator too. I knew I wasn’t ready.

    I can’t believe it’s been a year since that day. I remember reading your posts so excited for you. Amazing that your boys are nearly one. How can that be?

    Enjoy this time of reflection. It’s pretty mindblowing, and I think it’s a great time to write a birth story. I can’t wait to read it.

  • Reply Amy January 21, 2011 at 6:21 am

    I was in a similar boat to you – premature labour, bedrest, then pre-ecclampsia and an induction, followed by complications. I still feel awful about the way my babies were born – but 7 months have gone by and I have 2 healthy boys, so I must have done something right. I look forwards to reading your story.

    By the way, thanks for the blog. I don’t comment a lot, but I read all the time. Keep up the good work! You give me something to read and think about at my 4:30 am feeds.

  • Reply thelesbiannextdoor January 21, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    Wow, has it really been a year? Time flies so fast! I remember reading along and rooting for you. Congrats on being the mommy to two beautiful one year olds!

    P.S. Your hair looks great in the pics Chicken took of you!

  • Reply Libberal January 21, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    Yay birth story! I can’t believe it’s been an entire year either. You look great in those photos, by the way. Job well done, lady.

  • Reply Marcia (123 blog) January 21, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    LOVE that beautiful belly!

    You looked gorgeous pregnant (okay you still do, but you know what I mean)

  • Reply Nicole January 21, 2011 at 10:28 pm

    Pretty amazing how much changes in a year, huh? I, too, can’t wait to read your birth story. I hope it’s healing for you to finally be able to share it.

  • Reply Pomegranate January 22, 2011 at 12:28 am

    you really are a procrastinator to post the birth story a year later. :)

    love it, especially going home for shawarma (sp?). i’m hungry now.

    happy birthday to grunter a whoop-whoop!

  • Reply Jackie January 23, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    You are braver than I am. I still haven’t written my nightmare of a birthstory.

    Please let us know how writing it out and sharing it makes you feel. I’m considering following your lead if you find it theraputic. I’m still scarred.

    Happy Birthday to the boys. I’m stuck at work as we speak. :-(

  • Reply Next in Line January 23, 2011 at 11:16 pm

    You made it! You duked it out with fertility treatments and your first year with twins. How incredible. I am so happy for you.

  • Reply Ruby at Breathedragon January 25, 2011 at 6:54 am

    Oh good! You’re going to write it down. I’m looking forward to reading your story. And I’m glad you took those pictures, too.

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