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Stress Attack! Please Help and Chime In!

We are trying to get out and ‘go’ with the twins more in the name of being flexible and ‘going with the flow’. Unfortunately life with our twins is not very flow-y. We are not naturally the most flow-y people and the boys…well, no one is going to describe them as laid-back! Guess it runs in the family.

  • We are booked to go to a baby shower for Chicken’s SIL (we love her to death) Saturday afternoon at 2pm. We booked a car for the day ($125).
  • Shower starts at 2pm waaaay out on Long Island. Traffic on the LIE on any given weekend is a bitch. We have no idea how long it will take to get there but let’s assume at LEAST 2+ hours. (Google maps says 2 hours, 10 minutes at a minimum.)
  • Just found out facility has no high chairs. The car we have rented will not fit our two single strollers plus our own high chairs.
  • Driving time will be in the middle of lunch–so we have to feed them in the car.
  • Baby Shower time will be smack dab in the middle of nap time, which could be disasterous if they don’t sleep on the way there.
  • Plus, snack time will be at the shower.
  • AND dinner time will be back in the car
  • We’ll have to leave by 4pm as it is to make sure we’re home in time for bedtime.
  • There’s a huge possibility of them falling asleep on the way home which will screw up bedtime.
  • We were invited to a last minute family dinner which we had to decline because…our boys need to go to sleep and there’s no where for us to put them down. There are two other babies attending who are the type to just conk out in their strollers in the corner of the room. Those would not be our babies. We are lucky if our boys conk out if we are pushing the stroller and that’s pretty rare.
  • Oh, plus the picking up the rental car, installing the car seats, etc. etc.
Sounds fun, huh?

Oh, and I forgot to mention the part where they really hate to be ‘fed’ from a spoon for much of anything these days so we have to find a lot of food we can hand them.
And, they have about a 30 minute limit in the stroller when it’s MOVING. This restaurant is not child-friendly and there will be no place to just get down, crawl around and explore. It’s either stroller or us holding them. OH. And they aren’t big into other people holding them right now.
So, if you’ve done the math, that will be around 7 hours of being contained and not exploring or crawling or cruising or just..PLAYING. I’m sure they’ll love it.

Option One: We just go for it and deal with the headaches and hope it turns out better than expected.

Option Two: We cancel the car (there’s still time!) and Chicken takes the train out (saving money) by herself and I stay home with the boys.

Option Three: We cancel the car, take the train and have HN watch the boys for the afternoon. We get to go to the shower and enjoy ourselves without subject the babies to the go-with-the-flow which they are not very fond of. And we attend the family dinner.

We seem rigid. I know. Life with twins changes your life. But we have found out what WORKS and I really hate to disrupt them. Disrupting their sleep is going to have a chain-effect. If they fall asleep in the car on the way home, then there’s a VERY good chance of it disrupting their night time sleep and them waking up super early. Argh.
On the other hand, maybe we need to learn to be more flow-y and just do it and see what happens.
Oh, and my MIL will be there.

Oy. This post has me so stressed out just thinking about it that I had to stop halfway through and go tweeze some gray hair which is strangely therapeutic for me. And after this past year, there is never a shortage of new grey hair on this head.
I never thought I would be the type of mother who decided that staying home sounded more fun. But here we are and here I am.

What Would You DO??

Edited to add: Chicken just looked at me and said, “Are you OK?” To which I replied, “No, I feel like I might vomit from the stress.” I think she’s getting a clearer picture now.
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36 Comments

  • Reply kat January 14, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    go with the HN plan. it should take less time overall. the boys don’t have a screwy day. it seems the least stressful. and, you get some “alone” time with chicken while on the train.
    oh and remember to breathe :)

  • Reply Casey January 14, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    I would feed them at home, and leave after lunch and hope they take nap in the car on the way there. Bring PJS and leave at bedtime for the ride home. Transfer sleeping children to their cribs when you get home. May require another bit of milk and rocking and goodness, but that’s okay. Or they might surprise you! That’s what we do with Bird all the time for 2 hours rides. Works very well. Also, invest in some fisher price booster seats to bring along. They are about $25 each. You will be glad you have them again. Especially when the boys are older and too big for high chairs but too small to sit in a regular seat.

  • Reply anofferingoflove January 14, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    (waiting at the pharmacy for R’s prescription to be ready, so I’m going to attempt my first comment in almost a week!)

    depending on how much you want to attend, I vote for #2 or #3. The first option made me a little lweak in the knees, imagining my future, and made me want to cry FOR you!! That sounds like a really stressful day… I think it’s perfectly acceptable for the boys to stay home, one way or the other.

    Good luck!!

  • Reply Nicole January 14, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    I’m with Kat: HN at home and you two on the train seems like the best plan! I really hate the idea of a non-child-friendly baby shower, but people do them all the time. But honestly, that doesn’t sound fun for any of you. Sounds like you and Chicken could use an afternoon in the country for yourselves!

  • Reply Strawberry January 14, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    Ooh..good timing. We have a baby shower this weekend and had to make a similar decision. The shower is an hour away and starts at 12. Miles nap time? 12:30, for at least 2 hours. We decided to get my parents to babysit him at our house and we’re both going to the shower where we can enjoy ourselves toddler-free. Thus, I say go with option 3. Otherwise, option 2. Hell-to-the-no for option 1.

  • Reply Jackie January 14, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    I’m all for exposing kids to new situations and being ‘flow-y’ but this sounds like a nightmare. I think maybe work on the go-with-the-flow a little at a time, but definitely opt for HN this weekend… Allow yourself to enjoy SIL’e baby shower rather that stress and dread it. (Also, I think maybe you use Chicken’s real name… In case you want to change that…). Good luck with whatever you decide!

  • Reply Jen January 14, 2011 at 8:13 pm

    Oy. Just reading this gave me a little headache. I think depending on how much you want to go, I would op for the HN option or if you would rather just stay home…go with that. It does sound like a nightmare for everyone involved if the boys go, so then no one would have a good time. Good luck making a decision.

  • Reply Gayby Rabies January 14, 2011 at 8:14 pm

    USE THE NANNY!!!! It sounds like you could really use some grown up time without worrying about baby schedules. If you leave the boys at home, you won’t have to worry about their fussiness impacting someone’s special day. Going with the flow is great, but it might be better if you work it in more slowly. Do a few test runs, when you’ll be closer to home and see how it goes.

  • Reply Joy January 14, 2011 at 8:16 pm

    We have a similarly rigid babe…he only sleeps at home, on his mattress with his sound machine with his lovey with his…you get the picture! Option #3 sounds like the happiest for all of you!

  • Reply Mommy and Mamita January 14, 2011 at 8:18 pm

    My vote. Leave the boys with HN and go on your own with Chicken. Will be nice for you to get a little away time, particularly since you have someone you trust to watch the boys.

  • Reply Marcia (123 blog) January 14, 2011 at 8:22 pm

    I just had a discussion like this with another girl today and I said, “we don’t care what people say; the babies’ sleep is EVERYTHING”

    Yes, people think I’m rigid but they are MORE than welcome to come over and take control of Crabby and Cranky :)

    So, absolutely don’t take the kids.

    If you want a date with Chicken, go with her and let HN babysit. Otherwise, bow out and have some 1:2 time with the boys.

    On second thoughts, let HN babysit :)

    And this made me LOL almost spilling my decaf coffee…

    This post has me so stressed out just thinking about it that I had to stop halfway through and go tweeze some gray hair which is strangely therapeutic for me

  • Reply Melissa January 14, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    Hot Nanny, all the way.

  • Reply Anonymous January 14, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    I wld let HN look after the boys and you and Chicken take the train.

    Raine

  • Reply Laurie January 14, 2011 at 8:28 pm

    Where is the shower? We are on Long Island and are willing to help if we can! Crash on our couches after the party? Stop at our place to let the boys romp around and have dinner before the drive home? Ride from the train to the event and back? Just let us know if there is anything we can do to help :)

    PS- The LIE shouldn’t be so bad :)

  • Reply luckylittle13 January 14, 2011 at 8:44 pm

    Now I’m stressed too. I vote for #3. I would probably go with #2 myself, but only because I don’t have HN (though HBS – hot baby sitter – is in the works).

    p.s. We are headed your way in a couple weeks. And we are staying much closer this time…

  • Reply Fiona January 14, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    Option 3 all the way!! Why not?!

  • Reply Anonymous January 14, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    Wow! How stressful! I’m not a mom of twins, but option 1 sounds kind of insane to me. It sounds to me like option 2 or 3 would be more fun for everyone. Good luck!

  • Reply poppycat January 14, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    I can totally relate.

    Let HN take them and ride the train!!! No point in killing yoruself for this. There are so many things you two can plan for your adventures with the boys that WILL fit with your needs. There is no sense in forcing this one. You won’t be able to relax meaning they probably won’t either and it will take your focus from the mommy to be. I say make plans for next weekend’s adventure while you are on the train this weekend.

  • Reply Dre January 14, 2011 at 9:35 pm

    HN, HN, HN!!!! Get out of town for the day! You two need it. Everyone is happy! There are better adventures to take the boys on. Let this one be just for you two.

  • Reply wishinghopingpraying January 14, 2011 at 10:03 pm

    I say go for Hot Nanny. I know you want to be more flowy, I get it. But if you aren’t ready and truly prepared to be flowy they will feel it and it will be ugly. Try flowly on a shorter, less gorwn-up trip and work up to big flowy events. HOT NANNY!!!!!

  • Reply jessie January 14, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    If you can afford # 3 totally do that!

  • Reply A+K January 14, 2011 at 11:19 pm

    If it is the smallest option, totally go with HN. If you were going to pay $125 for the car (plus gas, plus stress!), surely you can give her that $150, have an afternoon to yourselves to be adults and not mommies, and enjoy some time with friends and families. You win, the babies keep their normal routine, at home, and hopefully stress is to a minimum.

    Good luck, whatever you decide!

  • Reply pugmama January 14, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    Use your nanny. You and Chicken go to the shower and dinner and enjoy yourselves. Practice being flow-y closer to home. This makes the most sense to me.

  • Reply B and D January 15, 2011 at 12:58 am

    Option three. No question! :)

  • Reply AdventuresInBabyMaking January 15, 2011 at 1:09 am

    HN and the train!

  • Reply Rachel January 15, 2011 at 1:23 am

    I just skimmed the comments and I know that I’m going to be in the minority, but I say take the babies and take the LIRR rather than the rental. There is nothing worse than being stuck in a car in traffic with a baby who is not used to a carseat, but the train will run close to on time on the weekend, you can get up and walk around, you can even head to different cars if you think that one of the boys will nap and the other will keep him up.

    There is plenty of room to park a double stroller by the door on the LIRR (believe me, I’ve done it) and also handicapped cars which have even more space. You will all be able to move around, and the train motion may put the boys to sleep.

    Just another suggestion since you will after all have two adults for two babies (sorry, just reading a lot of blogs about how having twins is SO different and since I lived alone for 11 months and am planning a rather long trip this spring with 2 babies in tow, alone, of course, am a bit touchy about the subject of twins vs. siblings on travel).

  • Reply shroomie January 15, 2011 at 2:21 am

    I would agree with the other comments – HN all the way. I was similar to you when my duo was this age. I really wanted to be flexible and thought that is what everyone else expected. But what worked for them – structure, schedule and continuity. Stick with your gut. Enjoy the day with Chicken – and know that in the future – you’ll totally get to flexible.

  • Reply For the Long Haul January 15, 2011 at 3:00 am

    I didn’t read the other commenters before posting this…cause my own two crazy kids are going a bit postal. But I vote for option #3. Have a nice evening with your hot wife. Leave the kiddies with the hot Nanny. Enjoy yourselves. Let us know how it goes.

  • Reply Heather January 15, 2011 at 3:40 am

    I say go with option #3 for this one. You can practice going with the flow a little closer to home, where you always have the option of ditching out early. And maybe where you’re somewhere that’s a little more kid friendly–at least until you get the hang of it and are more comfortable being out and about during feedings, naps, etc.

    Once you do start getting out more, I love casey’s (commenter at the top) suggestions. I was going to mention the very same things. We try to feed at home, so babe is full and happy when we strap her in the carseat, so there’s a better chance she’ll nod off to sleep and be fresh when we arrive at our destination. And if we know we’ll be spending an afternoon/early evening somewhere, we try to stretch it out until bedtime. Then put babe in her jammies, make sure she’s fed and happy, and strap her in her carseat for the drive home at her bedtime. She sleeps in the car and then we transfer her to her crib when we get home. I NEVER thought that would work and expected many rough nights, but it rarely fails us. The booster seats are another great idea. We have a little booster seat with tray I bought on Craigslist for $10, and we take it EVERYWHERE. Love it. It makes feeding the baby at friends/families’ places so much less stressful, because babe will sit in the chair and eat so much nicer than if we try to hold her in our laps. She will not sit still to eat if she’s not strapped in a chair. One other thing: I was always so worried about babe not having a long enough nap or not eating enough and then being crabby because of it, and I’ve found that those things that usually set her off at home don’t seem to bother her as much when we’re out. I think she’s so busy taking in the strange surroundings and watching the new people and things that being tired doesn’t make her nearly as cranky as when we’re at home. Maybe that will be true for your guys too.

    Whatever you decide for tomorrow, I hope you have a good and fun day!

  • Reply tireegal68 January 15, 2011 at 4:21 am

    And all this time I thought HN was HOT NURSE! so you know which I’m picking! Can’t wait to hear the verdict!

  • Reply Sunny January 15, 2011 at 4:47 am

    ((((hugs)))) Totally feeling you, girl. I was the same way even just with my singleton! The reprocussions that we have to face when our beloved schedule gets out of whack… it’s staggering! And people really don’t understand or appreciate that. I say leave the kiddos home in their routine, and you par-tay sans twinklets.

  • Reply cindyhoo2 January 15, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    I vote for HN with the boys and the mommies on the train. As a mother of a twin who is easily over-stimulated, I now understand the beauty in NOT giving the kids too much for them to handle in a day. Really overstimulation becomes hellish for everyone involved: babies and mommies. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad: you know what is best for your kids.

  • Reply Hannah January 15, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    i’d say option 3, and if you wanted to still save money that you’ll be using on HN, maybe take the train together?? not sure how the whole train thing works, but that’s my 2 cents! good luck! let us know what you decide!

  • Reply Next in Line January 15, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    You are a mama of twins so you go with the flow, their flow, everyday so not to worry about that. You are already a flow and flexibility expert.

    This whole go with the flow and be flexible usually seems to mean that we are supposed make babies flow with other adults schedules and behave in non-child friendly places. That will work out once in a while and other times be a disaster.

    I also think it will get easier to go with the flow when they get just a tiny bit older. I have noticed that Bee’s sleep schedule can be a bit more flexible now. I used to leave family events before eating dinner to get her home to sleep.

    I can’t wait to hear which option you pick. I know it will be great.

  • Reply K J and the kids January 15, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    BABYSITTER ! hello, no brainer girl. Thing is, even with one kid it’s nice to get away and have some adult time with some adult people.
    Cancel that car girls. :)

  • Reply Amy January 15, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    7 hours of upset schedules seems a lot to start on… #3 seems like the best option. However, if you decide to go with #1, here’s how we do it with 7 mo twin boys.
    – Leave earlier, around naptime so morning nap is in the car.

    – Find a place at your location for lunch and running around. A park, a friend’s house, or my personal favourite a child friendly mall.

    – leave around bedtime, so you can let them sleep in the car.

    – Special treats / toys. We give them bananas when we’re out, whihc they LOVE.

    We have these peapod pop-up baby tents. They take up very little room, and have air mattresses inside. When we go out to someone’s house, the boys sleep in their tents in a quiet room.

    Saying that, my boys are pretty calm and younger ad more portable than yours. This may not last forever!

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